Nerd Boy (COMPLETED)

18. Pancakes and Razorblades.

I woke to the feeling that a bus had hit me. No that doesn't sound right I've never been hit by a bus, scratch that. I woke exhibiting signs of the worse flu ever, and I urgently needed the toilet, I threw the blanket off and went to rush to the downstairs bathroom. Instead, I fell flat on my face as my legs gave way.

Now sitting on the floor, I noticed my vomit had gone, and the sitting room tidied. The cleaner had been here; my parents didn't come home at all last night. I felt so insignificant that I was genuinely sick and they didn't come back after Purdy explaining how ill I was last night. Typical. They sent the hired help.

Balancing myself on wobbly legs, I got myself to the downstairs toilet just in time.

I checked the clock in the kitchen, 6:30 am plenty of time. It was my turn to bring food. Every Friday we take it in turns to buy or make the morning snack, so surveying the fridge contents I see two large punnets of blueberries. Homemade blueberry pancakes it is then. I grabbed a bottle of juice and downed the whole lot. I headed back to the sitting room and take out my phone; it is almost out of charge. I notice multiple missed calls and texts, angrily I switch my phone entirely off; definitely in no mood to listen to my mother pretend to apologise about not coming home last night to care for me.

Grabbing my charger out of my bag too, I head back into the kitchen and plug it in. I take out my set of measuring cups and spoons, give them a quick rinse under the water tap and dry them thoroughly. Working from memory, I start to prepare my ingredients and utensils.

I placed a large bowl in front of me and a frying pan on the stove, and then my hands took over, as I melted the butter then got together my dry ingredients I let out a loud sigh. My grandmother, I called her Granny taught me how to cook and bake; she was filthy rich. When I stayed with her, every weekend she would have outings and games planned for each day and then come tea-time, she would teach me how to cook and bake. I miss her so much. A realisation suddenly came over me; it had been so long since I thought of Granny, memories came flooding in. Had I forgotten about her? I wiped tears from my cheeks with the back of my hand. I gave myself a shake to throw off these emotions; they felt alien. Pulling myself back to the now, I glanced down to see I had my batter made so stretching cling-film over it, I left it to settle on the bench.

I went up to my room and grabbed clean clothes and headed to the bathroom. I felt sick, my head throbbed, my stomach cramped, and my body lacked energy. Stripping off my clothes and about to jump in the shower, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I am a mess. I pull my hair back from my face with both hands, and I notice how sad my brown eyes are, I stare at my lifeless reflection, wondering if there is a soul in me or am I destined to fumble about zombie-like until the day I die.

A wave of mind intrusion came over me, I was there but not present in my thoughts. I watched myself take a razor blade from my Father's drawer; I held it with my right hand and pierced it into my left wrist I could see the blood and all I could think was that the red looks pretty.

A loud bang came from outside, and I snapped out of my stupor. I threw the blade into the sink. What on earth am I doing, what made me want to kill myself?

Naked, I walked into my father's room; I knew they weren't home, and I never felt ashamed of my body, although we do go through quite a few domestic staff because of my tendency to walk around nude. My mother calls it a cry for attention because they are never at home. I call it ' it's my home too and if I want to walk around butt naked, then I will.'

Collecting what I wanted, I made my way back into the bathroom. I brushed the mop that is my hair. Created a parting on both sides of my hair and a line at the back. I gather my hair into what girls call a ponytail, rummaging through the bag I find a plastic crocodile clip and grip my hair at the top of my head. I plugged in the hair clipper and turned it on. I gaze at my reflection again, those sad brown eyes still staring back at me; I am exhausted and miserable, I want this to change now that I've met Purdy I crave to live to see what the world is all about. I am so done living in this bubble of hell, anger welled inside of me, and I took it out on my hair.

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Chapter 18. completed.