Rejuvenate | Spruceworth 5.2

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Shaw

       Kendra was always refusing to talk to me no matter how many times I tried. She always had some sort of excuse not to so I decided to take Heidi's advice and tell Kendra that I was going to fight for full custody of the kids.

       Not so surprisingly, she texted me and told me to come over. I should have said that a long time ago.

       When I showed up to Kendra's house, she looked quite annoyed. "You have quite the nerve," she said, closing the door behind me. "You really think you can win full custody of our children?"

       "It's a possibility, but I'm not stupid enough to actually go for it," I said. "I only told you that because I knew you would want to actually talk to me then. And look at that. It actually worked."

       Kendra sighed. "Fine. What do you want to talk about?"

       "If they're not going to stay with me majority of the time like they're supposed to, I could at least see them more often," I said. "You can't be the one deciding all of this without me."

       "I can't?" Kendra said. "Do you want me to remind you of all the reasons why I should? I'm the one that carried them. I'm the one that raised all three of them for a couple years while you wer off drinking or taking drugs or getting into fights."

       "Are you serious?" I asked. "Why do you keep bringing up my past when I'm nothing like that anymore? I try so hard to be a good person and a good father but it's like everyone doesn't want me to be one. And it's not fair that you're making the kids be around Hugh when they don't even like him."

       Kendra scoffed. "Wow, now you're making up stories?"

       "Uh, no, I'm not," I said. "You can even ask them yourself. And I can't believe you're still with him after what he did. It proves that he's dangerous, yet you're still siding with him."

       "It goes both way, Shaw," Kendra said. "You're a dangerous person too, yet Holden is still with you. You can't be mad at me for staying with Hugh when I love him."

       Hearing her say that felt like she took a knife and stabbed me right through the heart. I had never felt so far apart from my best friend than I did right now.

       "What happened to us, Kendra?" I asked. "You were my best friend. You knew everything about me and you were always there for me when I needed help and now... It's like we're strangers. You didn't even know that Holden and I split up."

       "Wait, you what?" Kendra asked. "When?"

       "A while ago," I said. "I really thought you would have known but then again, I should have known better because lately, it's like you don't care about me at all."

       "Shaw, that's not true," Kendra said.

       "It is and you know it," I said. "You took the kids away from me not once, but twice. And both times, I haven't done anything that deemed me an unfit father. It kills me inside, Kendra. It really kills me only seeing them every other week."

       "I understand but you have to know where I'm coming from," Kendra said. "You were actually diagnosed with a condition that makes it hard for you to control your anger. I have to put our kids first."

       "No, that's not what you were doing," I said. "I have never once got mad at them and if I did, they wouldn't want to be near me. But they do. They want to be with me more and they don't want to be near Hugh. You're not putting them first. You're putting yourself first."

       I turned around to leave but Kendra grabbed my arm to stop me. "Shaw, wait."

       I didn't even want to listen to what she had to say. I yanked my arm out of her grasp and left her house, slamming the door behind me. I was so tired of everyone always holding my past against me. I tried so hard to move on and not be that person anymore but if someone wanted their way, they would use it against me.

       I hated it.

       I had to take a deep breath before heading to my home. After everything I had gone through the past few weeks, all the tension was starting to get to me. I could feel something inside of me that I didn't want to feel but I couldn't help it.

       Because right now, it felt like I had nobody.

       As soon as I got to my house, I sat down in the living room, though I didn't even want to be here. My house just felt so empty. It had felt this way for a while and I still wasn't used to it. I didn't know if I was ever going to be used to it.

       Minutes passed and the temptations I was feeling wouldn't go away. I kept trying to push it away but it wasn't working at all.

       I eventually picked up my cell phone and went to my contact list, going to the one name I hadn't called in a long time. The one name I should have deleted once I was out of rehab. But for some reason, I never deleted it.

       My finger hovered over the call button. I kept telling myself not to press it but it was like I was at war with myself. Part of me was telling me to do it and the other part of me was telling me not to.

       I was finally able to close the contact list and lock my phone before dropping it on the couch. The hopeless feeling wasn't fading at all and it was getting way too much for me. I had to do something to make it go away but I couldn't think of anything.

       Nothing was going to make this go away.

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awe shaw it's okay i still love you go talk to your cousin and you'll feel better <3

lol and guess what? imma update again tonight even though there's ten minutes until midnight woo. i can't lay in bed anyways because my parents decided to go out somewhere and i have to keep an eye on my siblings. i love when they just spring this on me. :)