Him Or Her (TaeNie & YoonLice)

1

Just a note;

1.All things in BOLD may be a dream or a flashback.

2. Things that are Italic are thoughts in mind.
3. You came here and started reading, if you can't take too much, you may leave and just be respectful.

That's all, thank you.

💎💎💎

- Taehyung

There's a battle in my heart, it was a war between him and her.

He is my friend...
She is the one I love.

I both love them...
I love him as my brother.
Yet I love her as my lover.

And everything that happened a year ago...
I didn't planned that. I haven't done that on purpose.

It is not because I want it to happen, but there is an advantage of what happened. I am able to be the only one that she needs, that she loves and admire.

I don't have to share, or to keep our relationship as a secret. Maybe it is written by the fate already...

For him to be gone on our lives.
For me to be his man forever.

"Tae."
          A sweet voice called my name behind.

"Let me fix that."
         She requested with a tiny sweet smile on her face.

She reached for my tie.
We are going to the cemetery today.
It is his death anniversary.

She began tying my necktie.
Her sweet scent lingers on my nose.
That scent, I used to smell that from him every time we will be together. That's how they are close, that her smell was being kept on his clothes.

"Are you ready?"
       She asked, her eyes met mine.

I just looked at her. Her hands made its way to my shoulder and the back of my neck. She scratches my hair at the back of my head, giving me a comforting feeling.

"I know you're still not fine with what happened. But we need to go see him at least there, on his grave."
        She stated, her eyes on my lips. She inhaled deeply and stared up to my eyes.

Before, she took seven months to get over with what happened. She is crying every night, and every time she will get to remind of him.

They are so close, so attached to each other that maybe...she is just keeping herself together now, but in within her, she wants to cry.

I know she faithfully loved him.
But there are things that she need, and he doesn't gave her.

"So, I gave it.
I'm the one who gave it."

I nodded and rubbed her arm that is wrapped on my shoulder.

And I signed an expression asking for a kiss before we both leave.

She gave it.
She kissed me with passion and her soft lips are enough, to make me feel motivated on living within this another dull day.

"Let's go."
        I invited.

As we have locked the door, we rode the car. I drove, we took the road for almost an hour and as we reached the place....

I feel cold.
The breeze is really cold.
I opened the door of the car for her, she went out and smiled at me. She is trying to comfort me. I gave her a smile back, but I am seeming, I am lying and pretending.

I don't want to be in here, I don't want to show myself, I don't want to face his grave.

I don't want to remember him.
I don't want to remember what happened.
I don't want to remember how he died.
I don't want to remember how I betrayed him.
I don't want to remember everything.

She held my hand after closing the dor of the car. My eyes stared at the grave that only him owns. The surroundings are full of trees, and it's a bit darker than it should be. Colder than the weather from were we came from.

"This place is like him.
Cold and only warm when she is around."

She squeezes my hand gently before pulling me to walk and enter his grave. We stepped on the tiled flooring of his grave. Leaves are scattered on the floor. Wind is not really helping on cleaning it.

"Seems like no one is visiting you."
          I thought as I stared at his name written on the wall.

His body was already ashes, to be exact, no one had found his body as it was concluded that he got buried to death.

We both stared at the stone where his name is engraved.

"We are together, Yoongi."
          She started speaking, talking to him.

I can feel that her emotion are just being held inside, and anytime she might cry.

"Sorry if it is your best friend that I am going to be with after you."
         She apologized and my head tilted to look at her.

"But don't worry, I won't ever forget you, gummy."
         Tears are slowly streaming down on her cheeks. But she is still able to form a smile while speaking.

She sniffed and inhaled deeply.

"Sorry if it's only today that we went here, we took long. And I took long before getting over with what happened. I am sorry, I know it's..."
         She was cutted by her own sob.

Seeing her slowly breaking down is waking my senses up. Then, so I immediately pulled her for a hug.

"I kn-know it's my fault."
        She continued.

"Shhh."
        I rubbed her back and hugged her tighter. I shushed her telling her that it is fine.

"It's not your fault."
        I stated, after pulling her and cupped her face.

"If I didn't cheat on him for you...then, he must be alive until now."
          Between sobs, she stated.

That statement broke my heart, but it is true.

"If we could just told him sooner that we are in a secret relationship, he must be just mad and he might not end his life."
        She added, I wiped the tears off from her face...

And didn't speak.
I want to tell her everything...

But for my own sake, for our relationship's sake...
I should keep myself silent.

"He didn't end his life.
It was an accident.

Either I, didn't want that."