Him Or Her (TaeNie & YoonLice)

60

A:    Last update for today, probably...
Having my way to school, pray for me for our sectional debate.

💎💎💎

- Lisa

We are now back at my house.
Chaeyoung is with us, I mean, with me and Yoongi.
She is giving me that look, asking for assurance that I will tell her everything that had happened, why I had broke my promise to her.

"Suga, can you please make something? I'm hungry."
         Besides the truth that I'm hungry, I'm actually sending him away from us.

He smiled and nodded before pecking a kiss at the back of my hand. Once he had headed to the kitchen, I signaled Chaeyoung to follow to me to my room.

As she closed the door...
I faced her and hugged...
She didn't utter a word and just stroke my back gently.
I took maybe, half of the minute before pulling back and sit on my bed.

"Instrument..."
         I whispered, like I'm just talking to myself.

"But I can't blame him."
         I added, and took a glance on her who's looking at me with blank expression.

"It's...I...ah...mm..."
         I just let out a sigh as I can't find something to defend him.

And I guess, Chaeyoung had read my mind...

"You're being an instrument all through out? Ever since he woke up? And that he is being insensitive if what you may feel? Yet you're trying to find an excuse for you to consider what he's doing? Is that it?"
        She asked, crossed her arms, raised an eyebrow and used her cold tone serious voice.

"Lalisa, Manoban, where's your left hemisphere?"
         It was a sarcastic question.

Left hemisphere is the left brain, used for logical thinking, rational reasoning, mathematical equations and scientific explanations.

"Is it not functioning as of the moment?"
         Her eyes squinted with disdain.

"You've been an instrument since that night you lead the operation for him to survive. I was there, and through those days that you're being a irrational with yourself, I was there. You kept that person even without knowing his identity. You kept that person even without the assurance that he'll pay you back and now..."
        She cut herself from her words, took a deep breathe, frustration lacing on her aura.

"You've just realized that you're being an instrument. I've said this before, that what you're doing can cause something that is not really going to help you."
        Her voice toned low, she's feeling a little guilty on mouthing on me.

"You even kept him here but he's just being insensitive about you. Yes, let's say that somehow, he's showing that you're special, that he's in love with you, that he's taking care of you but he's not showing that you're his priority."
        The last sentence gave it all...

"Let's admit it, his priority is to take his revenge to those who broke him. And you, you're just being an instrument that is helping him, that's what you're pointing out, right?"
        My eyes are stuck on the floor, but I have lend my ears to her, just her.

"Lisa, do you really love him?"
         She asked and by that moment she did, slowly, my head lifted up and my eyes stared at her, begging for her to help me.

I took silence instead of answering and I saw her eyes rolled, her head turned a little to the back and her hands landed on her waist.

"Your silence answered the question."
         She whispered.

"How?"
        She asked...

"Are you that weak, Lalisa?"
         She questioned and I gritted my teeth as I knew the fact that I am...I am weak.

"How have you fallen for that person who you just met moths ago? To a patient that you just helped?"
         She kept questioning...

And the only thing I did...
Was to whimper in annoyance for myself.

"You kept falling for the people who don't totally care for you."
        She stated, which is true.

That's very true.
First, I fell for Taehyung who cheated on me.
And now, I've fallen as deep as the same as to Taehyung's but is not giving me back the love I need.

"How are you that weak?"
        She questioned one more time.

"I know you're strong, to the term that you have continued your life despite of Taehyung cheating on you, disregarding your broken heart the past year, you continued helping others and kept on being a doctor, lived your life day by day with a heart that is wrecked..."
        Her face is showing both concern and disbelief...

"But you are weak for the case that you always fall for the person that don't love you back or..."
        My eyes once again looked at hers as she was about to state one more option...

"Or you keep on giving all out yourself, the whole you, maybe you keep on giving everything that you have to the point that you even gave up yourself, your soul, your pride, dignity. Maybe you're giving too much, more than what they deserve."
       Her words penetrated to my heart like millions of small needles.

"Lisa, a dean's lister, top student, valedictorian of the batch since preschool, graduated with three specializations as a doctor, one of the best surgeons, very smart person, kind hearted one, sweet and caring, a very good friend..."
       Her chin is up, eyes down on me, the distance between us makes it feel cold, but the way she stares at me while stating her words one by one, makes colder than the weather in North Pole.

"Wake up, compose yourself, fix your soul, reconstruct your heart. I know I'm just a friend, and I can't mend your broken pieces, I am surgeon as well but I can't stitch your wounded soul but being your true friend, I will just stay here."
        She sat on the couch for a single person, leaned her back there, tiredness being visible on her, and she continued talking...

"I am always here, in case the guy that you will believe to be the man of your life goes and leave you. As always, I'll just be here, I'll stay here, because true friends stay, when lovers go."
        And by that moment...

I stood up...
Let all my emotions out...
And she approached me, hugged me one more time.

My lips have uttered nothing to the rest of time...
She comforted me with silence and her hands rubbing my back gently.

"If my lover goes and left me...
You might be the one to lose a friend...
I don't know if I can take one more heartbreak."