Him Or Her (TaeNie & YoonLice)

59

- Jennie

"You're telling me that he's afraid that you'll cheat on him like what you did to Yoongi because Suga looks like him?"
       Her face is distorted in annoyance, brows furrowed, eyes screaming ire, looking at me with confusion.

I just nodded in response.

"Is he...thinking?"
         She asked, before sitting down on her office chair.

Her back touched the support of the chair, head up, eyes still locked on me.

"I actually don't know what to do."
          I stated...

And she just shook her head with a sigh coming out of her lips.

Jisoo eonnie...
She had understand me ever since, even though I did wrong, the way she look at me didn't change.

But at this kind of cases...
I know, that the only thing she can do for me is to listen. She can not tolerate lies, wrong deeds, or support me with what is happening now knowing that I did something wrong at the past...

"No..."
        She suddenly spoke.

Her elbows rested on the desk in front of her.
Eyes focused on the floor, fingers fiddling altogether.

"You actually can't blame him."
         She commented.

"He's being irrational, but..."
        Her eyes lifted to mine, apology visible on the pair.

"He's afraid you'll do the same thing as you did for him."
        She stated and I felt like a gun was silently shot to my heart.

My head bowed down automatically upon hearing that. Thats true, that's Taehyung's main point, anyway. And now, it's Jisoo eonnie who's pointing it out for the second time.

"He's just afraid, especially to that fact that you took several months before moving on to Yoongi's death. He's overthrowing yet being illogical."
          She continued.

I bit my lower lip...
Frustration over myself is filling inside me.
The pain of the past, the guilt I am feeling towards my own actions hitting me slowly yet deeply.

"And now, someone's entering your life, a very look alike to Yoongi. If I am shocked at first, what more to the person who...was...we believed to be the caused of his death...you...and Taehyung."
        She's hesitant on saying it, but I looked at her with teary eyes already and she knows, she had to finish her statement.

She went off from her seat, walked towards me, crouched in front of me and hugged me as I.started sobbing.

"I d-did that..."
       With hardship, I mumbled.

My diaphragm is actually not letting me speak properly, I have hiccups already.

"I'm a sinner. I'm s-stained."
          I felt her hand on my back clenched as I stated that, cursing to myself.

She remained silent for the rest of the moment...
Letting me deal with myself, letting me show my emotions, letting me be weak in front of her.

"Sinner, stained, cheater and immoral.
That's how I describe myself."

I wiped out my tears that are endlessly streaming down to my chin. I bit my lower lip harder, I closed my eyes and thought...

"I killed Yoongi...
I killed him. It was my fault.
Everything is my fault.
If I could have just understood him...
If I could have just waited for him to be back to normal...
If I was just patient."

"I should be the one to die."
        I whispered, not wanting her to hear but she's just in front of me.

"You're a sinner and a stained one, but everyone had done something. Everyone is stained, Jennie, but life continues. Life goes on."
        Her hands touched mine, massaging my tensed pair.

"We're all sinners. We are all failures because of our mistakes, we all have made disappointments, we are all the same, Jennie. We are all stained by the sins that we did, and thinking that you should die isn't the best thought about it, instead, think of the positive effect."
         She's motivating me despite of all the stains in my soul.

"You're now with someone showing his affection for you, someone who gets jealous to an illogical way, see, he's even mad because he's overthinkimg, that means, he loves you. You guys just need to talk one more time, if it doesn't work, think of any way. You love him, he loves you, nothing else will matter."
          She ended it there, cupped my face and wiped my tears with an encouraging smile on her face.

"Why?"
         I asked...

And my eyes caught her confusion.

"Why are you still like that to me despite of knowing that I'm a whore?"
         I asked and she clicked her tongue in annoyance.

"It's acceptable..."
        She fixed my coat a little before looking back at my eyes...

"It is somehow understandable that you cheated on Yoongi, not to be disrespectful to his soul but he was at fault too. If he just gave you few of his time, showed you the affection you needed, you wouldn't cheat, anyway."
         She shaped out another smile before continuing...

"Plus, what are friends for? Why is friendship made? Friends are to help through ups and downs, even if it means being a sinner together. Friendship is made for us, friends, to be there when love is sinking and dragging you down."
        At that moment...

I gave up again.
The more she shows me kindness, the more it kills me.
The more my guilt hits me, the more I feel pity for myself, the more I think I'm a bad person.

"It's not just love who's bringing me down...
It's also myself. I'm dragging myself down.
Down to hell, to the extent that I committed a huge sin."