Scars of your love

Chapter 1

Chicago.
A city in which I grew up and spent my whole childhood. The city I know inside and out. The city which harbors both old and new culture. The long hours I used to take to walk around to feel the vibe of the city, to feel the way the wind strikes against the skin making a shiver run down my spine but in a good way.
The city that I love whole heartedly. The city which has accepted me bared me and embraced me in warmth to make me forget my past.
Now here I am leaving it behind.
To somewher unknown.
But that doesn't mean I'm afraid. Not in the least bit. I'm ready for it.
Ready to leave all the memories that this place withholds.
The memories which reminds where I am and how I am here!
I never thought I would be leaving Chicago and go anywhere. But finally I have plucked enough courage to come out of my bubble. To try and overcome the fears I have locked away for the past two years.
I know that i will never forget the past but I have accepted to live it.
To live with the pain.
In midst of all this agony there is a small bud of hope blossoming in my world.
A hope that everything will be alright.
I known I will never be the person I once have been but I will also not be the person who has wallowed for last two years.
I press my hand against my chest, feeling the pounding of my heart. Maybe I'm hyperventilating but never did I thought that it would make me feel better. It is the sign that I'm anxious. It is a sign that I'm alive. Making me realize that this is real and not some imagination that my twisted mind is playing on me.
I close my eyes feeling and living in this moment.
Basking in the glory of new life.
Okay not a new life until I board my flight.
I open my eyes and looked around my room. The grayish blue walls that still holds some of my pins and posts. The modern study table that looks new and polished until one goes near and looks carefully at the right side which has pencil marks due to my continuous tapping I do while I study. The queen size bed that occupies the center of the room on which I have cries that I have the count.
Once again I look around.
Everything is gone.
Empty.
All the stuff is shifted to my new apartment.
It was empty expect for my suitcase which is standing in the middle of the room.
Even though it is empty it doesn't quite feels like that. The familiarity removed all the traces of hollowness and filled it with all the memories that will forever be shelved here. It doesn't matter if I live here or not. This room will always be called mine even after tomorrow or one week or one month or one year.
This will remain my safe harbor. Forever.
I stand and move towards the door. Quickly throwing a last glance before closing the door.
I start rollingthe suitcase downstairs.
Tears threatening to roll down my cheeks. I trymy best to maintain my composure. I don't want to start again.
I inhale deeply taking in the smell of Home.
I listened to footsteps of my aunt that are approaching me at the base of the stairs.
Just one look is enough for Aunt
Esme to understand my mood. She smiles supportively. She knows how much hard is this for me to move away from here and at the same how much important for me to move on.
She is my mother's younger sister. She has same chestnut hair and hazel eyes which are now softer with understanding.
People often mistake her for my mother. Has I also bare the same traits as hers and my mother's.
Sometimes it is so very hard to just look at her as she reminds me of what i have done and how i lost my everything due to my carelessness. And at the same time i am so grateful to her for trying to be the parent figure in my life.
Grateful that she has looked after her wild niece.
I know that not many people are this lucky to have a aunt to take of them.
When i reach the bottom om stair she takes my hand which is somehow cold into her warm hands squeezing mine lightly in silent gesture that she will always will be there for me.
A small smile stretched on my face. I blink rapidly to stop the tears that are beginning to cloud my eyes again. Swallowing loudly due to the lump in my throat.
"Come on, dear. We have to catch the flight."She takes the suitcase from my hand and stirs me towards the door.
Before crossing the threshold I take one last glance at my home that no longer will be mine.
I get into the car buckling absent minded lost in the memories that i have always kept in a box.
Mom and dad helding a barbecue party at the back yard. The richness of spice in the air.
Dad holding mom in his arms, kissing and whispering something in her ear making her laugh freely and wholeheartedly.
Dad singing a song in his screeching voice. As much as we complained we actually enjoyed listening to him.
Mom cooking and swaying to the music.
My sixteenth birthday party at the home. All my classmates going wild after my parents have left the house to give us liberty.
And.
The car drive.
I snap out of those memories. Once again locking them away.
I glance at aunt esme who is drumming her fingers to the music.
I feel lucky to have her in my life. Last two years has taught the importance of having a family. On whom you can relay on the times when you are physically and mentally drained.
She is the only family i have left with.
She has always stood by my side.
When my parents died she has left her life in New York city to support me.
To take care of me.
I would thank god for atleast letting me have her in my life.
I would always be grateful to her by saving me from myself.
Without her, I wouldn't have been here leaving for the college. She has made me see that there is more to the life.
After a heated argument, we have decided that I will only go to college only if she will go back to her old life.
She was still not happy about it. But I know she misses her old job, her old self.
We have decided to sell the house. It was the hardest decision I have made in my life. But it was a practical one.
I am renting a condo near the campus. As much as I am ready to be my old self. I am not yet ready to share a dorm room with a stranger.
Esme is gonna stay here for another couple weeks to finalize the sale and the documents.
Once again I'm thankful to her from saving me from all those things.
"Beatrice."
Esme shakes my arm to bring me back to the present. I noticed that we have stopped at the signal.
"What?" I focus on the present.
"I was talking to you from last five minutes." She says softly,
"Oh. Sorry zoned out." I look at my fingers which are clasped in my lap.
"I just wanted to say Stop overthinking. Okay? I know this would is a lot different from what you have been used to but understand one thing this is once in a lifetime experience. Explore all the possibilities and opportunities the college is going to offer. Never hesitate. Just go for it. Enjoy the life."
The signal turns green and Esme turned her gaze away from me and started driving.
After a few moments I break the silence.
"Got it." I said unconvinced.
"Just understand tris the life has a lot to offer you. Don't isolate or restrain yourself from taking risks. Be free and most of all be happy."
"I will try my best." I didn't lied. I truly wanted to experience the college life and make some good friends.
I had some friends back in the high school but after the death of my parents I have distanced myself from everyone but not before I had made them hate me.
"Just promise me one thing that you will be happy and if anything, anything at all comes up. Call me straight away."
I smile.
There she is, always worried about me.
I take her hand in mine and squeeze thanking her.
Rest of the journey we haven't spoke a single word. We have always been
comfortable with silence never felt the need to fill the air with words.
Esme hugs me tightly at the terminal. I closed my eyes to stop myself from crying.
I lean back a little and kiss her cheek.
"Don't worry about me."
"Take care of yourself and promise me that you will call me atleast twice a week."
"I will and I will call. You can't get rid of me so easily."
"There's my girl. Now off you go."
I hug her once again before I left.
This is real.
I'm finally going to college. I have always dreamed about but for a while I thought it was impossible to leave.
But here I am taking a flight to Boston.
I have always wanted to get into the pre med course at Harvard school.
Not just me. My parents also wanted me to get into Harvard college as badly as me.
After they death all I wanted was a distraction.
Distraction from the loss.
Distraction from the pain.
So I have lost myself in the sea of books. So that I can feel less and know more.
Never thought anything more than that.
Now here I am. Ready to begin a new life in a new city among strangers.
Maybe everyth-
"Ouch."
I land on my butt and my suitcase fell down with huge clashing sound near me.
God! I should stop zoning out. It is going to get me in more trouble than I'm already am.
Or in this case humiliating.
Everyone must be looking funnily at me, thinking how clumsy I am.
I don't want to lift my head.
Oh shit!
"Are you alright?" A deep husky voice asks.
After finding enough courage inside me I lift my head slowly.
Suddenly everything goes blank except for the stranger who is standing above me.
The most beautiful boy I have ever seen.
It is almost painful to look at him but it is more painful to look away
In the position I'm currently am. The light is glowing around his head like a halo making it hard to look at him. But the light is also making his features more prominent.
Like a fallen angel.
He has face that could stop anyone in their tracks. He has tousled dark brown hair which was thick and lustrous, straight nose and full lips that are now parted. He has the most clear deep ocean blue eyes with a glint of sliver in it . The kinda eyes which look into souls and know all your secrets right away and also the eyes that can hold onto to a million secrets. Th eyes that have me captivated.
He arches an eyebrow towards his hand that is stretched in front of mean. I take his hand and he pulls me so suddenly that nearly our chests touch. Suddenly I realize that I am looking at him openly. Blood rushes to my cheek making me flushed, embarrassing me more in front of a stranger.
"Thank you." I said.
I take a step back and turn around to retrieve my suitcase and my passport which are laying on the floor. He beats me to it and helps me picking in picking my passport and setting the suitcase right. He hands me my passport and our fingers touch momentarily.
There are no sparks for sure. But a shiver ran my spine.
I shoot my side eyes to his and before I can utter another thank you he walks away. I stare at his back for few more moments till he is swallowed by the crowd.
Still I couldn't take off my eyes from the spot. Hoping that he might come back or at least have another chance to look at him.
I had a boyfriend before my parents death but he never could make me feel like this with one touch or look. After my parents died I have neverwanted  to feel like this.
This stranger had made my heart do a double flip in my chest. Making me feel like my old self.
The announcement voice drags me back to the present informing that the flight will take off in 10 minutes.
I hurry towards the entrance. There are so many people that I have to stop twice to check where i am going.
All the way hoping that I won't land on my ass again. I reach the entrance just before the air hostess closed the door.
The hostess at the entrance looked pissed off and wasn't even subtle about it.
Okay. I am late. It's not like I have done a federal offence.
The moment I step into cabin, my heart starts beating faster as eyes fall on the handsome stranger who is now seated with his eyes closed.
The pissed air hostess directs me to the seat beside him.
I don't know if it is the fate or karma Has I have never believed in it or atleast stopped believing in it since last two years. But I feel like there are on my side this time.
What are the chances of meeting your stranger in the same flight and being able to seat beside him.
The chances are as low as it can get.
Suddenly I feel excited to have a conversation with him. In  along while I have never had the urge to interact with someone except with Esme.
Okay.
Another opportunity to talk with him and I really really want to talk to him.
It can either go great or will be a disaster.
Here we go.

**

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