Scars of your love

Chapter 36

Alex POV

Present

Music blares in my ears as I pound the treadmill. I ache everywhere—my lungs are bursting, my head is throbbing, and the yawning, dull ache of loss eats away at my insides. I cannot run from this pain, though I'm trying. I stop to change the music and drag precious air into my lungs. I want something...violent. Black eyed peas is the answer to that. I pick up the pace.

I think about the dinner and all the ways in which it became a complete disaster and the worst nightmare of my life, it is something I have been doing past one week, drowning in my misery. I rerun the dinner events in my head. Could they have unfolded any differently? I'm looking for clues as to where I went wrong. And no matter how I play it out, I know in my bones we would have reached this inevitable point whether it was this morning, or in a week, or a month, or a year.
I know it is far better- this way Tris will be far away from the truth, a truth which will destroy her life and I am not going to allow it. I have hidden the truth for the past one month and I will hide it from her for as long as possible. For that, I have to talk to one person who knows everything has that has transpired two years ago.
But through this resolve, my heart is still aching to see her, hold her in my arms and kiss her for one last time and to remove that pained look in her eyes when she got no reply from when she said she is in love with me.
I hit the stop button, slowly coming to a stop and remove my earplugs, my breathing is heavy and with every breath, I take the void in my chest is not closing but leaving the remainder of what I don't have.

I grab the towel from the counter, my phone pings with a message. Hope rises in my best, My heart rate immediately spikes, then falls when I recognize it is not Tris's number. My finger is about to press the delete option when I realize from whom the message is from.
Esme.

Esme: Meet me at Rear Window Bar at 7 o'clock. Ms Reed

The only person I want to talk right now- who is quite pissed if with me.

*********

The bar is shockingly not so crowded when I enter. My eyes rake through the tables and I fined Esme seated in the corner booth which is half shielded from view for the privacy of course. Esme is harbouring red wine and is typing furiously on her mobile. She looks up when I near the table, the look she throws at me, accusing me of something I am already beating myself about.

I take the seat in front of her, hoping she will give me the answers I dying to know about before she burst out on me. Except for her eyes which are revealing her emotions, Esme is completely composed like she is going to interview someone. The words which slip out of her mouth are the least expected.

"You look like shit." She says. I grumble non intelligently.

"Right now, I want to kick you so hard in your shins and at the same time I want to say thank you." Her voice lowers a notch and softens at the end. I remain silent, not knowing why she is thanking me.

"I messaged you to ask you if you know everything that happened that night?" She leans forward. I know she isn't referring about last week. I nod and say.

"Yes. Most of it. I Pretty much added two and two. It is the aftermath which I am not understanding." I add. "Is he the one who did it?" Anger builds up in my chest, I wish I threw few more kicks and punches on that bastard.