Scars of your love

Chapter 31

The words that have came out of Logan's mouth keep on twirling around my mind.

Alex doesn't have any practice today.

He lied to me.

No. No . No. Logan must be mistaken. Maybe he didn't get the notification that he has practice today. Yes, it is possible. Or maybe Alex has some other training that doesn't require Logan. I try to stick to those possibilities but as much as I wish, it is all in vain. But it seems impossible to insert the idea that Alex lied to me. He can never do that. But the more time passes, anger starts building up in my chest. Anger that Alex has lied to me, straight to my face and so smoothly that still a minor part of me believes him.

I had to bite my tongue so to stop myself from asking Logan if he is sure- like hundred per cent sure that there is no practice today. That maybe he is mistaken and there is actually practice going on. I held back all my questions that are flooding my mind, bombarding me from every direction possible because if I start asking Logan all the questions I have, I know I will not stop with just a few. I have a thousand questions for which he may or may not have the answers. I also don't want to hear some of the answers from him but the one person who can satisfy it. The one person who has all the answers to my questions, who can satisfy this curiosity of mine, is God knows where.

I bid my goodbye to Logan and turn around and walk slowly in a daze to my English class, way too lost to bother getting a coffee.

The thing that hurts me the most is not Alex lying to me. But his lack of trust in me, he could have simply said I can't tell you or may be  not now but he didn't. He opted to lie m. He opted to not trust me.

Throughout the English class, all I could focus on is why Alex is so guarded all the time? Why he has a wall of steel built around him so damn strongly that I am starting to get bruised?

A doubt resides in my mind that this maybe not the first time he has lied to me. I think of all the times he has dodged the question or changed the topic. I don't want to doubt him and examine everything he has said but my mind doesn't stop. I tear a page from my notes and start writing down all the questions I have on my mind, the questions for which I need an answer before there drove me crazy.

1. Who is the girl he remembered when he knew my name at the airport?

2. Why does he never talks about his family or his career?

3. How did he found me in the forest?

4. Why was his mobile phone switched off for several days during the Thanksgiving break? (I know it sounds clingy but he never ever turns it off and all of the sudden he is off the radar for so many days.)

5. What did he meant by 'more than you ever know' when he has calmed me down in the bathroom the other night?

I continue to absentmindedly draw lines and designs on the edges of the paper while my mind is spinning in endless circles. A thought trucks my mind but I dismiss it immediately. But like a virus, it spreads through my mind quickly infecting it with this absurd doubt that just doesn't go away. I start to examine and compare this phenomenon with every bizarre situation. Alex disappearing sometimes and not coming till late. He is usually tired and exhausted after those outings.

Maybe-. Maybe Alex is taking drugs. It explains some of his reactions but not all of them. For God's sake,  I shouldn't be thinking this. He is one of the lead players of the football team, if he was really taking drugs then wouldn't he get caught, I heard that there are some regular tests so as to check of the athletes are taking drugs or not. But it is also not unknown, that some of the sigma boys taking drugs.