The String, A Story Of Soulmates

The Funeral

I sat quietly in a seat, mourning, and sobbing slowly. Lukas and Kaylee sat to my left and right, trying to comfort me, but I could tell they felt the same. They felt nothing, yet they also felt sadness and sorrow and agony for her death. I would never let myself down for this, it was my fault, and I could not be convinced otherwise. I would never feel the same, Lucy was basically my best friend. I don't understand why she would think she's such an inconvenience to kill herself like that.

A stab right to the heart isn't really a pleasant way to die. I couldn't imagine how painful it was.

She could've had so much ahead of her. Her soulmate, her family, her friends, she left them all behind without any goodbyes. I mean, I guess if she said goodbye, we would try to stop her from doing it, so, I could see where she was coming from.

I sat still and tried to stop crying, so Lukas and Kaylee wouldn't feel the need to comfort me. I felt like I couldn't move, like I was paralyzed. I was shaking by the time I stopped weeping. Lukas put his arm around my shoulders, trying to make me feel better. He probably saw that I was shaking. I was fine. I didn't want to be treated like a crying child. I just couldn't really handle the fact that she was gone.

People started to go up to a small podium, to speak about their experiences with Lucy, and other things. Lucy's mom goes up first to speak. She doesn't speak for long, because she chokes on her words, and starts to sob. Nairi goes up next. She talks about how she didn't really know Lucy that well, but she still missed her very much. She had an expression of toned-down sadness. Lukas went up next. He seemed to be sad, but he spoke until he was finished, and didn't end up crying. Kaylee went. Her eyes were basically waterfalls. She choked, but she kept talking.

It was my turn to speak. I walked up to the podium, hearing only small murmurs and the taps of my shoes against the floor.

"I had known Lucy for so long. I really cared about her, and I never wanted her to leave. Life takes its course, people make their own decisions, and there's not much that can be done. I'm going to sing for you, something I've been thinking about singing for you today for about, 5 minutes or so.", I tried to sound a bit humorous when I said that, trying to cheer everyone up.

I sighed and clenched my hands onto the microphone that was on the podium, breathing slowly. I still hadn't really gotten used to singing in front of others.

"When trouble comes and goes, and when the cold wind blows, I lift my hands up, I lift my hands up. When sorrow knocks me down, and you pick me off the ground, I lift my hands up, I lift my hands up, and I sing... Hallelujah, my almighty god divine, hallelujah, I am yours and you are mine. This is all I know how to say... Hallelujah, by the grace of God above, hallelujah, I shine a light cause I am loved, this is all I know how to say... Hallelujah, Hallelujah, this is all I know how to say... Hallelujah, Hallelujah. You're my everything, oh-oh, You're my everything...", I feel hot tears run down my face.

I heard small claps. My throat felt dry. I sang My Everything, by Owl City. I had wanted to sing that song to her for a long time, but it was too late for that now. I felt my legs carry me back to my seat. Kaylee clapped me on the back.

"Amazing how you did that without crying. You sounded great.", She said in wonder.

"Thanks.", I spoke breathlessly.

Lukas stared at me for a second. I forgot that he had never heard me sing. I wasn't the best singer, but people had complimented my voice numerous times.

A few more people went up to speak, and then we continued on.

Eventually, the ceremony ended. We all got to walk past the casket, to pay respects, and speak to her one last time. I walked past and bowed my head. I thought about what I would say, in my head. I didn't want to have to look at her corpse. I would've been tormented with thoughts if I looked at her.

We all went home. Me, Lukas, Kaylee, Nairi, and Anahi walked back to campus, most of the time completely silent.