bitter lies » hunlay [COMPLETED SEQUEL]

forty

sehun;

i fainted for a long time after hearing the news. yixing did this all for me. for me. i couldn't calm myself down, not a slight chance. everyone was looking at me like i was finally losing my mind until the nurses had to tie me down onto the bed. i kept breaking things in the room, i didn't hurt anybody but myself. "tell me this isn't real!" i yelled.

"yixing!" i called out. "yixing im awake, baby please...answer me! i know you're alive!" i cried.

"yixing..." i coughed after so many times yelling his name. "yixing, you're not leaving me..." i mumbled while tears streaming down my face and kai decided to wipe them for me.

"im so sorry, sehun." kai's hands were shaking. "i didn't know this would happen either."

i clutched my painful chest, and shouted all the pain out. "this...this isn't my heart..."

kai suddenly got emotional too but he didn't cry. "it's yixing's isn't it?" i asked with a hurtful look on my face. i felt his heart beating inside my chest rapidly. kai looked at me with a sympathetic look.

"yixing wanted you to live, sehun. he told me that i should say this to you before he left...he will always love you, forever. he loves you too much that he sacrificed himself for you..." kai's voice wavered. "im sorry. im so sorry..."

i stared off the ceiling, without any sound, my tears fell one by one until there was nothing left. until i cried blood. until i felt dehydrated but not even water could make me feel better. i just need yixing. yixing. yixing...

but how stupid was i to think he would come back?

"but i want him to live. now that it's too late, i want to die with him too."

-

sleepless nights, i've been thinking and drinking all night long without getting any rest. i cried too many times that my eyes were swollen and im running out of tears to let out. i've been feeling so lonely in this house. everything seemed to be black and white, the colors were drained out of happiness. nothing ever stays the same. ever since yixing left, it was the first time i've ever felt this depressed and lonely...

i stared at a photo of yixing on my lockscreen that has been there since day one...since we weren't even dating yet. i never even got to tell him this. i love him since the start but it was just so hard to believe that i fell for someone special.

i muttered sadly, "why are you doing this to me, yixing?"

"why didn't you say anything?" i stared. "why would you risk your life for me?"

"i thought we would be together until now...things just seem so complicated for us isn't it?" i sighed. "it doesn't feel the same without you..." i started to get a little headache. "i want you back."

"was this why you told me not to leave you because you wanted to spend time with me all the time?" i mumbled. "trust me, baby i thought the same."

"i miss you so much, yixing..." i thinned my lips to stop myself fron getting too emotional. "i fucking miss you."

i locked my phone and threw it beside me. i rubbed my temples to relieve my headache. if yixing was here, he'd be worried for me. now that he's gone, nobody cares for me anymore like he did.

i remembered about the small book yixing gave me...and i promised to finish it. i was almost there. it was getting emotional so far and i just couldn't seem to finish it. he wrote everything...everything about us. about our arguments and fights, out break-up and mostly...our love. he started writing this for me since high school. he planned everything to give this to me one day.