Book of Unwanted Feelings

Feeling #1

There are days when I don't wanna talk.

There are days when human connection becomes something I despise instead of longing for. Sometimes all I want is just a little space of my own. Alone, where nobody can get me but my thoughts and my breath and a song that I put on repeat one. I'll keep digging and digging until I found one that sets me on ease. The warm hands that genuinely wants to hear my thoughts, I'm sorry. Sometimes, sometimes you really tire me out. And no, no. It's not your fault. Is just I put too much expectation on myself to say the right words and it's messing me up. I feel worry I feel anxious and in the end, I let no
words come out of my mouth. I just don't want to talk now, don't want to think, don't want to try. From all the states of being this is what I wanna reach at this moment: staying still. Away from everything, nothing sinking me under. I just wanna float in an empty room that I can't see where it ends. No feelings to absorbed and creep inside me taking over my head makes me seeing things I don't want to see. This sense of dread in my chest it keeps bugging me and suffocate me while I'm awake. All I want is some emptiness, without anything to fill me in.

Zero. All I want is zero.