Book of Unwanted Feelings

Feeling #7

I can feel the tension in my shoulders. Every time I can't let it out, there's this eerie sensation tingling, wrapping my skin tight. I can't go back to the past, use the same way I used to do to make things emptier. It does not work anymore, and the gift it left still hasn't leave me. It feels like I'm trapped by a chain, but I don't know what has chained me. I wish I could cry, I wish I could let myself weep for longer than I should have. Yet it has been long since I let a tear out for myself, I'm afraid I've forget how to.

The only way to be at peace is to meet my own demons, yet I'm a coward who only knows how flee backward. I'm trying, I'm trying now. I'm letting go of my safe house and burn the bridges I used to escape. Not for forever, maybe. But for enough time I hope to let me rethink my life. I need to focus, I need to be present. I need to stop slipping away and turning myself off. Just because I don't know myself doesn't mean I let people down. Just because I feel so lost I don't need to drag others down.

I wish I could show you what happened to my arms. I wish I could show you what I have always wanted, whisper the truth even if I don't have a courage. The pain that we each went through, nobody knows. Nobody understood. I wish somebody could understood, but once again I'm afraid I'm just making all this pain up. I keep writing things I should not have told anybody, because I wish I could have told anybody.

If you read between the lines, I hope you do not let this out. If you read between the lines, I hope you don't see me in a different way. If you read between the lines, I hope you know someone writing this is a human. If you read between the lines, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.