Book of Unwanted Feelings

Feeling #22

If it hurts you, it makes you cry. It took the living shit out of you. It broke you. It clouded your thoughts. Everywhere you look you only see dark. Take a step and you think you're making a big mistake. Take a step and you think you don't choose wisely you have hurt and offend other people when all you ever wanted was to protect them and to know your place. You are hurt. You think there's no place in this life for you. You are hurt. You think no one will love you. Do. Can. Will. All the same. You think there's no space for you to be yourself. To breathe. To fail. To make mistake. People love you, or at least look at you, if you have play your part. You are right. You are wrong. It does not matter, only if you do your part. You are here to serve. You are here to mould yourself into every space and corner that is needed in order to let others walk and breathe and live but you do not think you ever deserve this. Deserve it. Deserve to live.

You've been crying and crying and you don't know what makes you sad. What makes you upset. Do you deserve to get upset? You don't think you
do, right?

This is too much, you wrote to yourself. This is too much and too empty at the same time. I am throwing as much words as possible hoping
one of them land on a dart board because you don't know which one is yours-mine.

For those who always have their own feelings on questions. For those who don't know what they actually feel and if they are actually allowed to feel that. For those who always second guess themselves. For those whose heart are beating and they want to smash it so bad so it can stop giving them pain and other things they thought they are not suppose to feel, even love. For those who have always restrict themselves for feeling sad, for feeling mad, for being upset, for expressing dislike and discontent. For those who are afraid if their smile is too loud and their laugh is too free and whether or not the tone of their voice would annoy anyone and think their eyes does not deserve to glow like the diamond stone under the ray of sunshine.