Book of Unwanted Feelings

Feeling #3

I used to think that in life we have to nailed these monumental cosmic choices that will determined our path. That we always have to be standing and on the pursue of what is considered 'our goal'. And it is a big blow that now, in my early 20's, I could definitely say that I have no idea what I'm doing. It feels like a big defeat, and I questioned my identity. My self-worth. I am not really good with unexpected things and being lost. I keep wanting to find my footing, thinking I'll be failing life forever if I don't do something.

But maybe, I miss out on the fact that I am failing when I don't get to take a stand at the moment and realised where I am and what I have achieve so far, all with the help of God.  I won't stop fighting, I know I still have miles to go. I promise I will keep trying to reflect and improving. But  I just want to appreciate what I already have. I just want to learn how to be grateful, how to better see things from a more comprehensive perspective. Instead of perceiving it only through a  narrow keyhole. Instead of thinking about it as numbers. I don't want my life to be just numbers. 

To be honest, I don't know who am I asking permission from.

If it's okay, I just want to tell myself: you're good.

I'm good.