Alpas (A Demi Lovato Fan fiction)

Chapter 46-Nick

Aurie's POV

After lunch, Demi, Nick and I decided to head to Demi's place since none of us had anything to do today.

Singing on top of our lungs to Heart Attack (by Demi of course) which was playing on the radio, was the best part of the car ride.

Once we got home, I started to walk straight up to my room, as Demi herself did so, to change into something more comfortable.

"Aur-bear! Wait" Nick said as he shut the front door.

I stopped in my tracks and walked back down towards him and into the living room.

"Watsup Nick?" I asked.

"Aurie...what's going on with you?" Nick asked, concern clouding his features.

Worry instantly set in me and I gulped nervously.

"What are you saying? I'm fine" I lied, letting out a nervous laugh.

He stared at me with a sad look on his face, definitely not buying any of my lies. But, I wasn't gonna give up just yet.

"Aurie, don't lie to me. You aren't eating, you've become incredibly skinny. You remind me of the old Demi" he said sadly.

I was so fucked.

I kept my head low, staring straight at the rug and hoping to get out of this situation as soon as possible.

"Look Aurie, I'm don't know if Demi knows what you're going through but if she doesn't, you need to tell her. She can help you, I'm sure of that." he said.

"S-she knows" I spoke.

"But does she know that you threw away all your lunch today?" he asked.

"No! Nick, please, no! I can't tell her, she's proud of me. I-I can't have her be disappointed in me and I'm sure she will be once she knows the truth. Please, I'm trying; I really am. You can't tell her, please don't tell her" I pleaded, my eyes filling up with tears.

"Aurie...you know I can't do that. We've been best friends forever, she needs to know" he said, crushing my hopes of keeping this between us.

"No! Please, Nick! Please don't tell her, please, please!" I begged over and over again, the tears spilling out.

"Calm down Aurie. Just breathe...in...out." he said comfortingly, rubbing my back.

I did as he said, and slowly exhaled then inhaled, repeating the process until I seemed to have calmed down.

"Here, drink this" Nick said, handing me a glass of water.

I gulped it down instantly, the coldness of the water making me feel somewhat comforting.

"Are you okay?" he asked, worriedly.

"I-I'm fine. Sorry about that" I said, ashamed at my sudden breakdown.

"No, no, it's okay Aurie. You don't have to apologize for anything, I've been through this with Demi before, and I saw how hard it was for her. Aurie, you need to tell her the truth or else I will" Nick said sternly.

"No! D-don't tell her. Please, I-I'll tell her w-when I'm ready" I said.

He let out a defeated and tired sigh.

"Okay, I won't tell her but she really knows, right?" he asked, taking caution.

"Y-yeah, I swear she knows." I said.

"Okay Aur-bear. You take care okay? We-we can't lose you" he said, his eyes tearing up.

I felt horrible for putting Nick through this, he shouldn't have known!

I could not believe that another person knew one of my deepest secret.

"Nick, don't cry. It's okay; I'm okay." I said softly.

"That's what Demi told us Aurie, but now we know she lied. I just hope you're not doing the same" he said, looking at me.

I gulped nervously but shook my head in response.

"I'm not lying" I said flatly.

Lying straight to his face, I felt guilty and horrible. All he wanted was to help; all Demi wanted was to help too, but I didn't want their help! I didn't want to get better, I wanted to starve until I was pretty and perfect like all the other girls I knew. I wanted to bleed until I felt nothing, and drink until I felt numb.

"Aurie, you okay baby girl?" Demi asked concerned.

I was so caught up in my thoughts that I hadn't realized when Demi had come downstairs.

"Huh? Oh yeah...I'm fine. Just zoned out a bit again, sorry" I uttered.

"That's okay" Demi said, smiling at me.

I plastered on a fake smile then made my way towards my room. Once I got to my room, I went straight for my blade.

-TRIGGERING-

I don't know why I was doing it but I knew that I wanted to do it because I deserved it. I lied to people who cared about me. I was selfish and disgusting, that was all the reason I needed to harm myself.

Locking the room door, I sat on the floor, dragging the blade across my right wrist, which was once clean.

My left arm was scarred, white lines embedded into my skin which I knew would never fade.

I hated the numerous scars that were on my arms but at the same time, I felt lost without them.

Continuously, I dragged the sharp blade across my skin, making long and deep cuts to appear on the skin.

They bled, and bled which only increased the numbness which was setting in.

-TRIGGER END-

I sobbed and wailed, hating every inch of my body and disliking how easily I relapsed even after promising to people I wouldn't.

I could see new messages from Kaylee on my phone and as I read them, I felt even worse.

Kaylee was right all along.

I was fat, ugly, a freak, a whore and so much more. I hated her but she was saying the truth.

Once the numbness set in, the suicidal thoughts appeared. It was like all the light and what little hope I had, was being stolen away from me and I could do nothing to stop it. I was tired of fighting now, all I wanted was for this pain to stop.

I heard my demons roar-

Kill yourself, it's what's best for you.

If it stops this horrible pain, I might just.

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A/N: All that's written in this book, is only fiction. Please do not harm yourself, you all are beautiful and deserve to live freely. If you're struggling with something, please talk to someone who you can trust. Don't hold it all in, let it out. It gets better once you start getting help for the things you're dealing with.

If you ever need someone to talk to, do not hesitate to talk to me.

SUICIDE IS NOT THE SOLUTION! You all are worthy of living a beautiful life.

I hope my book isn't triggering anyone, but if it is, please let me know and I will put trigger warnings before the particular part.

I do not intend on hurting anyone's feelings through this book. It is pure fiction.

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Stay Strong❤