I feel like death has always surrounded me. From the moment we are born, we begin to die. But death is always lurking. I met Death the day I was born. He took my twin sister Jennifer and I was left behind. Was I spared? Or did I somehow escape? I don't know. I've always felt alone and never much liked it. Sometimes I wonder when I see TV shows about twins what she would have been like. I used to tell people "You ought to feel lucky there aren't two of me around." But what if there had been? What would she be like? Would we have the same hair? Would she have been a thorn in my side or my best friend? I guess I'll never know. When I first came into the world, I appeared to be strong. No sooner did I start walking, I started falling. My mom knew something wasn't right. She already dealt with this before with my older sister Shannon. She had it along with a congenital heart defect. My mom asked the doctors if this could happen again. Stupidly, they said "No." Guess they were wrong. Once again my mom heard the words, "Spinal Muscular Atrophy." She did the best she could. She tried. Braces and crutches. Hand- over- hand she clasped my hands to the crutches kicking my feet forward with every step. It was useless. Though I could stand, those old metal hip-hugging Frankenstein braces were so heavy that I couldn't move. So that was the end of that. I continued standing for awhile. I would lean against the recliner in the living room. My mom would set the piano bench in front of me so I could play with my toys while I was standing. Eventually, I outgrew my braces. I had to get a new pair. The new braces were not made properly. When my mom put them on me, I screamed bloody murder. I thought my ankles were going to pop. She took me to the witch doctor to get checked out. No we did not belong to a tribe. She was a witch(well, she acted like one!). She had a German accent. I think she was a descendent of Adolph Hitler. She didn't believe us that the braces didn't fit so she ripped me from my mom's side. She jammed my feet into the braces, stood me up and I screamed. My mom told her to take them off, but the doctor(who actually was dressed in black) refused. She kept asking, "What's wrong with them?" in broken English. My mom grabbed me, took off the braces, threw them down and that was it for standing for a few years. I spent most of my time sitting on the floor. My arms were still strong then. I could scoot on my hands like a monkey. I was fast too. But, you can't do that in school. I got a manual wheelchair. I was sitting all day. Pretty soon, I couldn't scoot any more. When I was 8 or 9, I got a standing tilt table. It looked like it came from Frankenstein's closet too. I loved it. Somehow I thought if I could stand, maybe somehow I could walk. I did it almost every night. Sometimes my mom would make me get out of it. The last time I used it, I got to a full standing position. I was so excited. I think my mom cried. She was so proud of me. My brother stood in front of me to see if I was as tall as him. I felt "normal". I'll never forget it. Then, we got a call from our landlord that he was selling our house. Mom couldn't afford to buy it so we had to move. Our new home was much smaller and my standing table didn't fit in the house. I would never stand again and my dream died.
