I guess I started singing when I began to speak. I sang in talent shows, school choir, All-South Jersey Chorus, All-State Chorus, and All-Eastern Chorus. I sang whenever I could. Even weddings and funerals. One time I was so close to the body that I could see where the lips were sewn shut. It was creepy. But I never turned down an opportunity. I dreamed of being famous. Maybe even sing on Broadway. I like the romantic ballads. I always thought "....Someday my prince will come....." How romantic it is to be staring into the eyes of the one that you love and pouring your heart out to him in song knowing he feels the same way too. I always wanted someone who could share in that passion with me..... I always was the girl in the wheelchair that sang. No one ever knew ME. I loved it and hated it at the same time. I loved the attention I got from singing. People loved me. People said they wished they could sing like me. They wanted to be me. But when the music faded away, so did they. I feel like an idiot sevant. You know the people with severe autism that are completely in their own little world and can do amazing things like multiply billions of numbers or play whole concertos perfectly from memory. I was an idiot who believed it could really be more than a dream, but didn't know how to make it happen. I watched the TV Show "Fame". It was my favorite. I wanted to be like the characters who were living their dream. I didn't know what to do. I always dreamed of being at the right place at the right time. I was a nobody. I wasn't the package. I was chunky and I had a chair. There was no place for me. And yet, I don't know what I would do if I couldn't sing. It's a big part of who I am. The only part people seem to like. What good is it to be a single shining star dancing in a blackened universe all alone? If there's no one to share it with, what does it mean? All I ever wanted to know is that I have made a difference. And so I sit and waste the gift that God has given me for fear of rejection. Yet the Lord has not forsaken me and it is His opinion that matters. So I keep trying and I tremble. I become paralyzed with fear. Please keep me strong. You matter most of all. Though your glory is enough, I am still human. Let me have a hand to hold and don't let me be alone in the sky.
