Living with a disability brings on many challenges. Most people can understand the daily physical struggles, but they sometimes overlook the mental and emotional issues. I have spent a lifetime of constantly feeling like I have to prove myself to the non-disabled world. I had to be the best at whatever I decided to pursue. I needed to be set apart and noticed. I wanted to be everyone's best friend. It wasn't that I wanted to be better than everyone else. I just felt like that in order for people to accept me as an equal that I had to be extraordinary. This ideal also spilled into my music life. Every note, rhythm, entrance, and exit had to be perfect. Even during worship services, I would find myself critiquing the singer rather than listening to the message of the song. Then, I would make it the topic of discussion after the service. I would point out all the flaws and talk about how I would have done things differently. I thought I appeared gifted, intelligent, and smart. More like a smartalic; a snob for sure! As I grew older, my attitude began to change. One special evening, I truly learned a most valuable lesson.
Each summer I attend a bible conference for people with disabilities. There are many activities to choose. Usually, I participated in the choir. Not this day. I opted to participate in another activity that was the same time as choir practice. I kind of felt bad for not choosing choir. After all, they needed me to sound good. Disabled or not, I always wondered why people would choose to sing in a choir knowing they had no musical ability. Maybe they were blinded?... Like the people who audition for "American Idol". They just know they are Hollywood bound until their hopes are dashed by Simon Cowell. This day, I was the one who was blind. However, it was Jeff who showed me....
Jeff is a sweet guy with a beautiful heart. He is always happy to see you and greets you with the warmest smile. Jeff has Cerebral Palsy which not only took his ability to walk, but affected his speech as well. It is difficult to understand him. It hurts me to ask him to repeat himself because I can only imagine his frustration. No one likes to be misunderstood. When people don't understand you, it leaves you feeling disconnected from the world. We have all felt this way at some point in our lives. I can't imagine fighting that every day. However, Jeff never appears angry. He has a heart of love and compassion for others. He is quick to lift up his friends and family in prayer to the Lord. He is one of the most selfless people I know.
On this special evening, I found my seat for chapel towards the front of the tabernacle. I hoped the choir would sound OK without me. The service began with worship as we collectively were lifting our voices and getting our hearts and minds focused on the Lord. Then it was time for the choir to sing. I was a little anxious as the singers lined up across the front. Jeff was sitting before me. The choir began to sing. The notes were not perfect. Sometimes they were a half of a beat behind or ahead. They did their best. I watched Jeff as he sang. He was singing as loud as he could. There was a passion in his eyes. There was an expression of love radiating from his face. Suddenly, I no longer heard wrong notes. I saw and heard a righteous heart. I heard a young man who at that very moment was giving his all to the Lord. I heard genuine joy, peace, and thankfulness.....a joyful noise.
Jesus came for the unrighteous. We all have sin in our lives. No one can enter into heaven as an imperfect being. Sin separates us from God. Jesus came and died on the cross to pay the penalty for our sin. When we put our faith in Jesus, God the Father no longer sees our sin and imperfections. He sees the righteousness of Jesus. We are made holy and blameless before the Father. In addition, when we lift our hearts and voices to the Lord, the Father hears our genuine praise. He doesn't hear bad notes, but instead He hears our hearts....a joyful noise.
