Ladders

Breathe

Emil awoke without air. His arms tried pushing him up but he couldn't. He was held down. He tried screaming for help but it ended up in a gargle. Water filled his lungs as he tried lifting his head once again. His head was being held down though. Something or someone was keeping him under. He cried out as he was pulled from the bathtub and thrown onto the floor. Emil gagged up water as it left a burning in his throat. He could barley think as he had woken up from a almost drowning attempt. Emil looked up and saw Ned. "W-why-" he was able to cough out even though he had a sharp burn in his throat. Ned just looked at him as though he should've know what he was doing. "You weren't waking up, and I don't want my whore here, when my sister gets back" he said with no emotion. Emil was a angry and in shock, he decided to almost drown him to wake him up "what the fuck! You could've killed me you asshole!" He said with such frustration he wanted to cry. This ended up getting him kicked in the stomach, and knocking the air out of him. "I will not have some whore talk back to me. Now get your ass dressed it's 11:20 pm" he said as he threw Emil's clothes at him and left the bathroom. Emil's eyes widened, his brother was probably freaking out. It was a school night and he wasn't allowed to have sleepovers, thank god he didn't have to 'work' tonight. His mind felt foggy and clouded as he dressed himself. His body was more bruised then Mr.Vargas would have ever allowed. He stumbled out the hall way and stopped at the staircase. Walking down it would be hell on his body and his mind certainly was sober. Emil heard heavy footsteps behind him and then felt a sharp kick to the back of his knee "I said get going. I will not have Emma seeing you here". Emil fell down and crashed on his knee caps, he was holding the railing or else he'd probably fall down the entire flight of stairs. He groaned in pain, Ned really did see him as a pathetic object. You are an object. A real person would not sell their body, would not starve themselves. That's all you can be now, you're stuck now. Forever. Emil shook his head as he limped down the stairs in pain. He was able to make it out the house and start walking, but then he realized he didn't know this part of town. He also didn't have his crappy flip phone on him so he couldn't call anybody to help him. This was the nicer side of town that's was a bit far from his house. He just kept walking. From having to sell his body outside of the brothel, and do drugs, this just added to how shitty his life was becoming. His heart felt even more alone as he walked. Nobody was coming to help him and nobody will. He shivered as he walked, he knew it was suppose to rain these next few days but he prayed not tonight. Little droplets graced his head as he walked further from the large house he had walked out of. Emil wanted to cry now. Nothing was going right for him and the rain just tipped over his stacking problems and made them crash down. He felt his tear fall down and just make him feel even worse then the freezing rain. He regretted even being with Ned for the drug, he regretted letting Leon see him in the brothel...he regretted joining the brothel at all. The thing Emil most regretted though was living. You're the reason why they died. It was true, it was a late night on his birthday and he just had to have that one toy his parents promised them so they quickly drove out to get it. Only his birthday gift wasn't the toy. You're the reason Lukas dropped out. You're the reason he has schizophrenia. That was also true. Lukas was able to live in his own and continue going to school but Emil just had to be there and so Lukas had to adopt him. There was no way he could raise his little brother, keep a job, and go to school. So he had to choose one to give up. You're the reason Tino purges and cheats. If Emil hadn't kept the secrets of Tino purging maybe he could finally get the help he needs. If he told Berwald about the cheating maybe the could work things out. Emil's body shook as he cried harder from the thoughts that had invaded his mind. Nobody cared enough to save the poor boy from himself, he was at the bottom of the latter while everyone else was at the top. "Dad, Mom, Lukas, I'm so sorry I was born!" He shouted aloud as he was alone at a bridge. He stood at the middle of the bridge staring out. As his sobbing became to stuck in his throat he managed to whimper out a plea "I didn't mean to be born...". Emil said it in such a way as if he was asking for forgiveness. Emil sniffled as he looked down at the murky, rushing water. It'd been going faster then usual and was much higher. They town had had really bad floods since the snowmelt. As Emil looked down at the rushing water his body moved on its own. He was then sitting on the edge of the empty bridge looking over the flooded river. His head and body started to sway as if he was a feather and the cold wind from the rain storm was in control. His heart no longer hurt, and his brain wasn't telling him anything. Everything was empty and numb. Empty and numb. Emil scooted his body forward and looked down. Maybe what happened this morning would happen to him again.