Ladders

Light

Emil's body felt heavy. He was so scared and yet the world seemed to stop. The sound of the rushing water, the distant car sounds, and the pounding of his heart. He leaned forward wanting to end it all. To no longer be a nuisance towards everyone. He wanted to feel the waters embrace and his lungs to be no longer be able to gasp for air. To have all his pain go away. To finally be free.

As Emil reached his foot out for his final walk, he was held in a tightened grip. His eyes shot open and he start struggling. "No! Stop it!" He screamed with tears spilling over his face. "Let me die! Please!" His pleas meant nothing to the person as they struggled to pull Emil back over the railing. He was finally thrown back onto the pavement as the person regained their balance. "What the fuck were you thinking kid!?" A person shouted at him through their thick accent. Emil started crying even harder "why would you save me? Why didn't you just let me die?". He shook from how much his boding was crumbling over his sadness. "I'm not going to let you throw away your life like that! Not by suicide!" The man said. Emil finally calmed down to where he could wipe his eyes and look at the person who supposedly 'saved' him. Oh no. Seeing him was even worse then when the mans brother had rented him for the night. Gilbert Beilschmit. He was very popular and had the prettiest cheerleader as his girlfriend, Madeline Williams. Emil always found himself jealous of Gilbert and Ludwig. They always were dressed nicely and their father was the Dean of the college in their town. He also hated his perfect relationship as it was another thing he had but Emil didn't. Gil is seen as a player but he refuses to be with anybody but his perfect Madeline as he says. This damn senior who knows everybody is the person who just had to save Emil. "Kid, do you need my dad to drive you home? Will you be safe with yourself there?" He asked with sincerity but Emil took it as pity, "no I'm perfectly fine before you had to come fuck up my plan! And quite calling me kid!" He yelled out. Of course Gilbert wouldn't know who he was, he's just the looser who should just disappear already. Gilbert kneeled down to Emil's level "I don't personally know what you're going through but I know what it's like to watch someone you love try and die. What would your parents say right now?" He asked him. "My parents are dead" was all his said as he sat on the wet cement. "Jesus Christ...I'm sorry I didn't know..." he said as he sat on the cement next to Emil. "it's fine nobody in this goddamn town knows who I am or what happened anyways". Gilbert shook his head "I know who you are. You're Emil Steilsson. We had honors algebra 2 last year together...also I know you for another reason" Emil instantly thought of the reason why. He snorted "why? Because your brother came to the brothel and fucked me? Because I'm a pathetic whore who is that desperate?" he said it with such venom and hatred towards himself. Gilbert looked shocked at hearing this "no I'm not saying that. The brothel is a last resort that I wish wasn't an option but I don't think it's pathetic. I think you underestimate me and my knowledge of this kind of stuff. Given Maddie is the reason I know most of it but still". Emil rolled his eyes "what could someone like you know about my situation". Gilbert pulled himself off the cement near the bridge, and extended a hand for Emil "more than you think, but let's walk and get out of this rain. It's late and I don't need the cops on my ass again about staying out late. God I've gotten caught too many times sneaking back from Madeline's that my dad would kill me if he found out". Emil took his hand and sat up with his help. The two pale boys walked in the heavy rain talking. "Anyways don't tell Maddie I told you this, but her mom had to work in a brothel. Trust me, Francine Bonnefoy is not a women who belongs in a brothel but apparently she was 21 when she got pregnant with Maddie and she just couldn't support her. Francine just couldn't give up her baby and so she worked there till Maddie was four" Gilbert took a break and laughed a little "Francine's story is almost like the movie Pretty Woman". Emil nodded and kept listening "Well she met this guy Arthur outside of the brothel and he saved her from the brothel and now she co-owns a bakery with him and she adopted his daughter Amelia while Arthur adopted Madeline". Emil looked at him confused "why would you tell me this?" He asked. Gilbert sighed "just to remind you and give an example of how there is ways of escaping a terrible situation". Emil looked down at the pavement replaying the words Gilbert said in his head. Could he truly escape without consequences? He was then broke from his thoughts when the loud german boy started talking once more "since I had my car taken away from me and you probably don't want to explain to my dad why you were at the bridge, you can just stay here. I have clothes you can change into" Emil immediately became defensive "I'm not going to have sex with you!" He said with anger. Gilbert looked at him confused "I'm not helping you because I want sex...I'm helping you so you see there's good people out in the world. Plus I would never cheat because-" Emil rolled his eyes and cut him off "because you have Madeline. I get it". Gilbert nodded and and unlocked the door. "Be quiet my brothers upstairs with his boyfriend and my dad usually stays up late doing paperwork. I can't get caught sneaking back in again" he said as he crept inside. Emil followed suit "you do this a lot don't you?" He said in a hushed whisper. Gil pulled him down to the basement where his room was "yeah my dad doesn't mind me seeing Madeline a lot, he just thinks I shouldn't do it every night". Gil then took off his soaked shirt once they got downstairs. Emil blushed and looked away. He was the same build as his brother. What if this was just a trap? Gilbert is going to fuck and abuse you just like his brother did. "Emil, here's some pajamas my grandma bought me. They're too small for me so they should be fine for you" Emil nodded and took the small pajamas. He looked for somewhere to change in private but Gilbert seemed to just be changing out in the open. Emil sighed and took off his shirt. He looked at his torso and saw ribs sticking out, this caused him to smile. He's not as pudgy as he once had been. "Woah dude, you seriously need to be get some fat on your bones" Gil said staring at the frail boy. "Look if you're starving yourself that's not my business but Maddie did the same thing and ended up fainting during cheer practice and got a concussion. You need to get help". Emil ignored him and slipped on the rest of the pajamas. "Look I'm not like you're perfect girlfriend. I'm just a prostitute and that's all I'll ever be. Mr Vargas made that very clear". Gilbert thought for a moment as Mr. Vargas sounded familiar but that would be a thought for another day. "Let's go to sleep Gil. It's late and we have school tomorrow". Gil flopped on his bed "no we don't. Didn't you get the email? The teachers just got called out of town for training". Emil was pissed, school was his escape. It kept him thinking about everything but home life and the brothel. "No I didn't get an email but we should still go to bed" he said just wanting Gilbert's eyes off of him. "Well first tell me why you were walking alone in the rain, and about to commit suicide". 'This fucker' is all Emil could think about him right now, "you're not my therapist so why should I tell you?" He said glaring at Gil. "Well I'm basically a stranger and I've dealt with some of the stuff you're going through with my girlfriend and best friend Lovino. And I can tell you bottle everything up. So I'm your therapist today". Emil glared and walked closer to the bed where Gil was sitting. "You think you can fucking help me? Well let me tell you something fucker. I was walking home from getting shot up with heroin and getting fucked! I didn't even get money from it but I did get something. I almost got drowned, I got kicked in the ribs and hit in the back of my knees. Oh but don't worry I wasn't hurting too much after him because I've had people like your brother come in just to beat me! My life is a living hell that I tried to escape from and you just had to think you could be a fucking hero and save me. Well guess what shithead? I can't be saved, I'm not fucking Julia Roberts and someone's going to come save me. Because this is reality, and no matter how hard you ever try it'll all be for nothing". He was now almost shouting at Gil and looked like he could murder. "....I'm guessing that was you're first time talking to someone right?" Gil said standing up. "Oh my god, stop trying to be my therapist. You aren't and you won't be able to help me". Emil said as he sat on the couch away from Gilbert's bed. "Plus, you're life is perfect. I don't want you to mess it up trying to save me" he said bringing his knees up to his chest. "My life's not perfect. No ones is. I sure as hell don't think I alone can help you...who else knows?" He asked Emil hoping there was a way to actually save him. "Shut up" and with that he rolled over on to the couch and pretended to be asleep.