Ladders

Alive

Lukas wept quietly as his boyfriend was asleep next to him. Emil had yet to wake up and the doctor implied that with everyday that Emil didn't wake, he was closer to deaths door. He jumped as his phone rang, he looked at the caller id and saw it was a number that Emil had called him from once. He slowly answered as he tried to pull himself together just to talk. "H-hello?" He said shakily. The person on the other line paused, before speaking "Hello, is this Lukas? Emils brother?". Lukas nodded as he talked as if the person could see him "yes I am. Who is this?". The person struggled with their response "Alfred. I'm a friend of Emil's. I'm worried about him, is he alright?". Lukas chocked out a sob "I'm so sorry Alfred but he's not alright. He...tried to commit suicide". He heard Alfred suck in a breath "w-what?". Lukas closed his eyes as he stared at the ceiling "yes...he's been in a coma like state for a few days. W-w don't know if or when he'll wake up" Lukas sucked in a quick breath as he tried not to cry over the line. "If you want to come see him, we are at Saint Regions hospital". Alfred grabbed Ludwig's hand for support trying to deal with all the new information "yeah, I'll try and make it over...thank you for telling me. I'll let you go now".

Alfred quickly hung up the phone before Emil's brother could say his goodbye. Ludwig pulled him close "hey what's wrong?". Alfred teared up "its Emil. He tried to commit suicide. He's in the hospital now...". Ludwig sucked in a breath "oh my god...oh god this is my fault". Alfred quickly grabbed his face "no it's not. But right now we need to go see Emil. We don't know how much time he could have left". Ludwig nodded and grabbed his car keys from his bedside table "which hospital?". Alfred quickly got up and followed him to the car "Saint Regions. It's near the brothel".

As the car ride continued Alfred tried to hold back his emotions. He's dealt with prostitutes dying before, he's even tried to prepare himself if Matthew ever were to die. It's the cold harsh reality of being at the brothel...so why is Emil's attempt effecting him so much? Well probably because he sees a lot of himself in Emil. Young, venerable, and most of all there's still a little bit of hope burning inside him. Yet, Alfred's candle of hope burned up years ago. Everyday he prepares himself for the worse to come. He's already come to terms that Ludwig will find someone better, that Matthew will probably live a short and painful life and so will he. He has hope for nothing except for Emil. He has hope that he'll make it, that he'll be more than the brothel, and maybe help save him. However Alfred tried to talk himself out of his thoughts of Emil and hope. He tried to tell himself that Emil doesn't have a high chance of survival and he should just accept that....just like how he was forced to accept he'd never survive past the brothel.

Matthias slowly woke up, hoping that the nightmare was over and yet Emil was still lying helpless in the hospital bed, stitches in his arms, a breathing tube in his throat, and wires among wires attached to him just trying to keep his heart beating. This brought up the guilt he had been pushing down from his past up. Emil reminded Matthias of his sister, clinging onto life in a hospital bed, thinking no one loved them and they should leave this world. Matthias looked up at the ceiling and whispered to God "still punishing me, huh big guy? First you take my sister, now you're going to take Emil?". He closed his eyes, he knew he deserved it for what he did to his poor sister. Yet she was punished with death and not him. He squeezed his eyes tightly as tears flowed down thinking of every cruel word he said to his sister. Every hit he threw towards her.

Kill yourself
God you're ugly
You're a failed abortion
Mom and dad never have and never will like you
Shut the fuck up
Jump off a bridge

She was only thirteen when she swallowed those pills. She was only thirteen when her heart stopped. She was only thirteen when she was put underground.

Matthias was only sixteen at the time when he came home to his dead sister. She tried so hard to get their family to like her. She had the best grades, she started to learn languages and soon became a polygot by twelve. Yet nothing could impress their father who always preferred Matthias. Nothing could stop their mother from choosing alcohol over them. And nothing could stop Matthias's abuse on her. Matthias never knew why he was so cruel towards her. She was really the only person who knew his pain. Maybe that's why, she saw past the jock stereotype he portrayed, and knew he was in pain. He knew she was in pain from their family and he still kept adding onto it. She always kept a smile on her face and always put on a happy facade...Matthias cried in his hand, covering his face remembering the promise he made to her at the grave, that he'd be like her and always be happy no matter how much pain he was in. He whispered once again to the air "guess my promise wasn't enough big guy? You just have to keep punishing me". He got up and walked to Emil's bed and grabbed his hand "Emil don't make me bury another person I love! Survive! Please Emil I love you! We all fucking love you! God dammit Elizabeth don't die on me, you're all I have! I need you Eliza!". He cried loudly "Eliza come back, Emil come back. I need you both". His pleas seemed to fall on empty ears, as Emil still hadn't woken up, and his sister still was still dead.