My Life Right Now

June 4, 2018 pt3

Alright, it's been a few hours since I've gotten back from school and Deveion wasn't there today. I feel like I might've killed him, or may lead him to kill himself. I'm really scared that I did this.

I kept telling Shahil that I killed him (I don't know if I did or not) and during so, Velveth (my sister and Shahil's twin, even though they look nothing alike) asked us what we were talking about and who I "killed".

Shahil looked at me asking permission if he could tell her that I've been making Deveion depressed.

"I'll tell you when the things cool off." I say. Soon after the bell rings. When I said "cool off" I meant that after I know Deveion's state of mind, to make sure we're okay. After I know that then we're gonna okay and I can tell Velveth.     

I don't want to keep Velveth waithing because she hates not knowing something. I guess it makes her feel unworthy, but who am I to say that. I barely even talk to her so I don't have a clear motive.

Next Wednesday is set in the clocks for it to be doomsday for my friend Mimi (She's our partner in crime, Jasleen and I). Mimi is dating Joshua and next year they'll be going to different schools so they have to break up. In all honesty, they are such a cute couple and it's horrible to even think to separate them.  Mimi and I think that Joshua doesn't know that they're going to eventually break up. He seems to oblivious to what's going to happen. I haven't seen Mimi cry, but this topic always seems to make her cry. Mimi's told Ms. Harding about her situation through Mimi's personal essay and her response was "what if you don't do anything?" If she doesn't do anything, Mimi and I already discussed this, then they'll just continue dating, but with that distance, they're connection won't be as strong and they'll have to break up too (we've also taken account of summer break too). So when doomsday arrives, I have to make sure to be there for Mimi and bring her some comfort food; it's most likely going to be chocolate.

Ms. Harding is the realest, toughest teacher you could ever meet. It's not that she's unfair in anyway, it's just that she's kinda philosophical. I'm know this is really mean to say, but I think the majority of the class would trade our real parents for her or at the very least have her as a parent.

Today, I feel very guilty because of what I know about myself. I knew one day that I'd hurt someone by my action and/or words. I'd blame myself every night for it. I still don't know why my friends are still my friends. I treat them pretty damn close to dirt and yet here they still are. I don't know what they see in me. I don't see why they see me worthy.

I don't want to see a blast in the comments reassuring what that I'm a good person.

Anyways, I really hope that Deveion comes to school tomorrow. Not only because of Velveth, but to make sure that he hadn't hurt himself.

I hope you all have a better day than I did.

My next update will most likely tomorrow. Good luck in life, Loves.