Happy holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Hanukkah
Recently I've been crying spontaneously and I'm not entirely sure why, but its probably because of my mother getting married again.
Jessica–my sister– had a talk with my mother and I was there. They talked about the marriage and it was based on the worries of myself and Kyle. She said how we just want to feel loved and that she wanted love herself, but it wouldn't matter now since she's an adult and the damage is done.
My mother asked me what I wanted her to do to show that she was there for us, there in our lives. She doesn't understand it though, nor does Jessica.
For me at least, the damage is done as well.
They don't understand that I already feel unloved and no longer care about what my parents do. It's their lives and they're living it like they're twenty-five. There's nothing they can do to make it better. They've already shown me the most they can come up with and now I've come with the hardened conclusion of my own father and my own mother don't care for me. I know they love me, just not enough to do something about it, not enough to care for me.
I guess I do just want to feel loved.
The philosophical thought experiment, Mary's Room is an experiment that shows whether or not it matter to experience your knowledge.
The experiment in short goes as follows; Mary has lived her whole life in black and white. Her room is black and white. Her books are black and white. The monitors and electronics are in black and white. Fortunately, she does know about color. She know about the three cones in which we see color and continues her life in black and white, understanding the concept of color. Then hey monitor malfunctions and reveals a red apple in her screen.
Has she learned something new? Has she experienced something new?
I bring this specific experiment up because I can relate it to the predicament I am in. I know my mother and father love me, but does it make a difference to feel it? In this situation, yes, otherwise I wouldn't be having these spontaneous crying fits.
It's good to know, but does it matter to feel?
Comment your answers.
Good luck in life, Loves
YOU ARE READING
My Life Right Now
RandomThis book is the "diary" that follows Alicia's life and how she perceives thing. Hopefully this book is appealing. Now read. The chapters are short.
