My Life Right Now

April 27, 2019

Hullo there. It's ya girl.

So I'm still dating Chen and I'm 99 percent sure he's never gonna read this, but I can absolute see myself marrying this guy. I mean I just love him so much. He's really silly and sweet too. He always seems to know what to do. He's a good person and he inspires me to be better than myself.

There's this one thing that Chen said that I will always remember: we're a team. I'm so used to being alone in everything, in my darkest hours, in my depression. So it's weird hearing that for the first time. He's showed me that I have to rely on him and that I shouldn't be carrying this load, called life, all in my back.

I absolutely hate relying on people because I'm always going to assume there's some ulterior motive that they'll use against me. Or that my reliance will become conditional without me knowing.

When I say that I love Chen I don't mean that I absolutely adore him and will fangirl when he walks by. When I say that I love Chen I mean that, I appreciate and cherish his existence. I want to be with him for a really long time and I'm not sure if that's clingy or not, but I love myself when I'm around him.

I know Chen loves me just as much as I love him, and in the same way too. He never fails to show his silly side with me but more importantly his serious side.

[story time]

So I went to Chen's dance showcase and I stayed there super late. Everyone was texting me and asking me when the f*ck I was gonna get home.

When I did get home, I stayed in the living room since everyone else was up in their beds. I decide to play a little prank on Chen , pretended to be my dad, saying "You can never see my daughter ever again. I forbid you of ever stepping in this house ever again." Chen already knew it was me and so I asked him what would he do if it was real. His response was so fast and sure. He said that he'd marry me. I was so shooketh I kinda just stopped texting him for a good fifteen minutes. He said that his parents approve of his choice to marry me and I was really flustered.

I kind of freaks me out about his certainty to marry me. I mean yeah, I get why he loves me and stuff, but to spend the rest of his life with me? I don't like the idea of marriage this early because my divorced parents married when they were young and dumb too. I don't want to end up like them.

Anyways, I've got good news. I just did my interview for cleaning up parks in the summer and I really need it because I absolutely do NOT want to work at the garden. Working at the garden is absolutely hell because we stay there for almost 16 hours and only get $60 a week. In this job the pay is the legal minimum, $12 an hour. Obviously more than the garden job. I really hope I get accepted and get the job. I really, really need it.

In the showcase I decided on doing Queen's Don't Stop Me Now. My voice cracked but was no biggie.

I'm in my school dance group now: FAM. It stands for Fresh Audio Minds. I heard music from the dance room and I was like oh cool and I started dancing in there and now I'm officially a part of it now. I thought there'd be like paperwork or something, but apparently not. Ain't mad about or anything.

Also, my friend in the dance group says that I'm a better dancer than she is. She's a junior and has been in the dance group for two years. I guess I am. To be honest I'm just a fast learner so I learn more dance moves more faster. I specialize in learning choreographies.

Phillip, also in FAM, says that I should find my dancing style and well my friend Chio and dance instructor Mang said that I'd be good/ have potential in waacking (yes it's spelled like that). So I'm gonna be making that my dancing style.

Good luck in life, Loves