You Are Still Here

Chapter 18

What does it feel like attending your own mother's wedding? Naturally, many people wouldn't know the answer to that.

The eve of the wedding, Yun Jin's mother promptly fell asleep after a busy day of handling all the last minute tasks. But listening to her mother's even breathing made Yun Jin more awake than ever.

As her room was loaned to Cheng Zheng, she had been bunking in with her mother the past two nights. Yun Jin dared not toss and turn for fear that she would awake her mother who was smiling even in her sleep.

After an agonizing period where she tried to will herself to sleep, she finally tip-toed out of bed and headed to the living room for water. It was only after the heat of the warm water diffused through the cup and warmed her palm that she felt she had a grip on something real in her life – a life that was about to change forever.

In a small neighbourhood like hers, even the street lights go to sleep at night and not a sound could be heard in the stillness of the night. In the dark, Yun Jin sat down lightly on her worn-out sofa. The darkness helped her imagine her father's presence. Previously, the relationship that her mother and late father had was what she aspired towards in life but even that had changed. Could anything last in this world?

The door to Yun Jin's room opened softly with a creak. Apparently, he couldn't sleep as well. When Yun Jin's eyes finally adjusted to the darkness, she saw Cheng Zheng beckoning her towards him. She mulled it over before placing her cup down and following him onto the small balcony.

Yun Jin studied his side profile quietly as she waited for him to speak first.

"You can't sleep too?" he asked.

"What do you mean by 'too'?" her only relative was marrying into a new family the next day and it didn't involve Cheng Zheng so why should he have insomnia too?

He bowed his head and laughed before saying gently "Yun Jin I was turning in your bed while trying to fall asleep when I saw several strands of your hair. I thought to myself, yes this is indeed where you've slept previously. Even if you weren't physically there, at least there's traces of you left behind. I was actually quite happy."

Su Yun Jin mumbled under her breath "It's late. Did you seek me out to tell me such nonsense?"

Cheng Zheng leaned on the railings "When I was very young, my mother teased me 'Ah Zheng, when you grow up, mommy will give you everything she owns'. I replied 'But if you give me everything, what would happen to you?' Mother continued with 'By the time you've grown up, daddy and mommy would be very old. At that age, we have no need for anything.' I persisted, 'What's the big deal about growing old?' Mother said 'We will die.' At that instant, I had cried and begged. I said I wouldn't grow up so they needn't grow old or leave me behind. Mother was very helpless as she said 'Regardless of your wishes, everyone will have to part one day.' When I finally grew up, I realise my mother was right. The only person who would accompany you till the end of time would only be yourself but the scars of those you've met will forever be imprinted on your heart."

"Can I take it that you're comforting me?"

Cheng Zheng smiled at her innocent return, "I just can't bear seeing you look like an abandoned puppy."

"You don't understand how I feel." After had father had departed the world, her mother was her only kin. While she knew that her mother's remarriage didn't alter their blood ties, she would also not belong solely to her anymore or be associated with the family established by her dad.

"Su Yun Jin. Don't be so dismissive. You're not me so how would you know if I understand or not? You're always going on about our differences and how we're incompatible but no matter a person's background, rich or modest, we're all the same when it comes to wanting to be loved. Be fair to me."