You Are Still Here

Chapter 44

Someone once advised me "Never gossip about your colleagues in the washroom." Apparently, this was rule number seven in a famous guide to surviving the corporate world. I've always abided by this rule but there are others who pooh-pooh it.

" ... Look at you. Your lipstick is too over the top. You better not get caught by our supervisor!"

"What are you afraid of? The supervisor doesn't have the time to concern himself over such nitty-gritties. If we women don't even have the freedom to put on make-up, then where's the fun in life?"

"Funny you should say that. There are women who don't care about make-up."

"Haha I know who you're referring to. Is it Mo ..."

The two young nurses giggled uncontrollably before one of them said "Considering the kind of woman Dr Mo is, do you think she's ever been in a relationship?"

"Who knows? Though I can't imagine any man tolerating her razor sharp scary looks."

"The way I see it, most likely some boy has broken her heart before that's why ..."

"Haha! Keep it down. We don't want other people to hear us."

"What are you afraid of! She's not on duty today."

I stood quietly in my cubicle. Many people derived pleasure from gossiping about others and I was glad I was able to be their source of amusement. Before they left, I unlocked my cubicle and walked out to the wash area where they were. As I was washing my hands, I felt I owed them an explanation so I said to the nurse whose lipstick was frozen in midair "I'm sorry to say I exchanged shifts with Dr Wang today."

After carefully wiping off every last drop of water from my palms, I walked round the two nurses who were still staring at me dumbfounded and exited the washroom. However they choose to insult me upon my departure doesn't matter.

After all, they weren't exactly wrong.

I'll never forget that night after the National Examinations had concluded. That dark, empty KTV corridor echoed with the singing from the various lounges and that did little to calm my racing heart.

I never thought that I would bump into him while returning from the washroom. His face was ruddy as he made a mad dash for the washroom. Obviously he had drank too much. When he passed me, he didn't even glance in my direction. But I knew, it was my last chance; I didn't want to graduate with regrets.

"Zhou Zi Yi!" I yelled out.

He took another step forward before looking back puzzled. He looked past me as he tried to determine who had called out to him.

I told myself, Mo Yu Hua, count from 1 to 7 and calm down.

I could sense my feet making its way slowly in his direction as a faraway voice enquired "Could I take up some of your time? There's something I have to say to you."

He stared at me baffled.

I confessed "I like you. For three years now, I've liked you."

To be perfectly honest, I never once held hope that he would reply "So have I." In fact, I had prepared myself for the worst. But when he stared at me incredulously and said "You have got to be kidding ... Oh please let me off.", I knew my emotional shield wasn't as strong as I had hoped it would be. So now, even after more than a decade has passed, I still remain resolute in my belief that the most hurtful of words often emerge from the prettiest people.

Yun Jin always found it unfair. "Why?" she would question me, "Apart from a handsome face, what do you see in him?" I was never able to answer her.