The Loving Kind- Chim

Chapter Forty Five

Kimberley's POV:

After a hysterical Cheryl quietened down a little, i lead her back to her room, the girls in tow.

"Could we have a minute alone girls? Just five minutes."

"Yeah, we'll wait outside the door." I nod as they wait outside, no doubt once again they'll be able to hear everything.

"Why didn't you tell us Chez?" I sigh, once the doors closed.

"I- I couldn't." Her tears aren't as frequent as before but she's hiccuping every few seconds.

"Why? We've always been there for you."

"It was easier that way. The less i thought about it, the easier it was to get over it."

"But you shouldn't have to get over it so quick, you're allowed to grieve Cheryl. You lost a baby." She cringes when i say the last sentence, it hurts her more than she lets on.

"A baby i barely even had. I hadn't even got over the happiness of being pregnant before it got ripped away from me."

"I understand that-"

"No! You can't possibly understand! Imagine being told you've got a tiny baby inside of you, a son or a daughter. Something you've waited your whole life for and it's finally happened. You get used to the idea for a while, have your scan which makes the morning sickness and the tiredness seem nothing. You get excited for the next scans, for the first kick, for the bump to get bigger but before that can even happen, you're told that you've lost it. You'll never experience the first kick, first proper movement, labour. You'll never be able to clothe her or him, you won't be able to hear their first word or see their first steps, you'll never be able to worry about their first day of school or complain that they're growing up to fast because suddenly that life inside of you has stopped, has gone..."

She stops for a few seconds due to the fact her tears won't allow her to continue but once she takes a deep breath, she carries on.

"It was a girl, you know." She confesses, a small smile spreading on her face before she looks devastated and vulnerable again.

"I blamed myself for a while, who wouldn't? It's in your stomach after all. Once you think it can't get any worse, you have to get it removed. Your little baby is now taken from you, dead."

Again, she takes another deep breath.

"After that you just feel numb, sometimes guilty but mostly you feel nothing. You don't know what to do anymore but i didn't want to feel like that. I didn't want to feel guilty and helpless and i refused to let something that wasn't even mine properly, make me feel that way."

"And look where it got you... it's normal to feel like that babe."

"You know i'd do anything to have at least seen my baby, to have held her in my arms. Tre always said she'd have my dimples and long eyelashes but she'd have his nose. He was certain. It was only early days but we had planned so much, we even discussed names and the nursery colours, everything."

"You would have made the most perfect mum and you will one day." She smiles though tears are still falling, she walks over to her bag and pulls out her purse. Moving a few cards to the side, she digs out a folded up piece of card and unfolds it, revealing the scan picture.

"Here." She passes me the picture, taking a seat again.

"I bet she was just as beautiful as you, bet she had your cute accent too."

"American and Geordie?! Poor kid." She jokes, making me laugh but happy that she's not like before.

"You can still be an amazing mum, Chez? Fight for her, make her proud."

She falls into my arms, wrapping her arms tightly around me as i hold her against my chest.

"I love you Kimberley." She sighs and i can't hide the smile on my face.

"I love you too Cheryl." She lifts her head, hesitating but i lean forward and press my lips softly against hers for a few seconds.

She pulls back smiling and takes the scan picture from my hand, kisses it softly before falling back into my embrace properly.

----

Stretching half my body to the side, my left side being restricted by something laying on me. I finally come round more, opening my eyes where i'm laid back on Cheryl's bed with Cheryl laid half on me, her head rested on my shoulder.

"Hey sleepy!"

"God, how long have i been asleep?" I reply to Nadine who's sat reading a magazine with Nicola and Sarah.

"Only just over an hour, you two okay?"

"I wouldn't say okay but it's getting better."

"How is she?"

"She got a lot of it out i think but it's still tough on her, i think the best thing to do is to start fresh and stay positive around her. I can't deal with no more episodes."

"I think she'll be ok now babe, if she's got it out without having a breakdown then that's good, right?"

"Yeah i suppose, i think i'll ask her to come on a walk when she wakes."

"Do you want us to go with you or?"

"Yeah, come along."

----

After much persuasion, Cheryl agreed to take Marley for a walk with me and the girls even though she seems still a bit upset but who could blame her?

"He's gonna need a wash after this! He loves mud, doesn't he Chez? Nicola laughs where Chez nods her head with a small smile, the sight of Marley running around happily making her cheer up a little.

"Wait till he gets to the water, he can do a better swandive than me." She jokes making everyone laugh, i feel my whole body relax as she seems to be going back to her self although she hasn't left my side since we left the building and linked my arm tightly with her own.

"Bless him! Remember the night you performed at the 02 on tour? You tried teaching Sarah to swandive off the bar and we had to get Tre and Tyrell to lift you down and hold you still before you ended up having a major accident. That wouldn't have been good for the rest of the tour!" Nadine adds making Chez giggle and shake her head at her own drunken antics.

"Sarah and Chez getting drunk together is the worst possible thing ever. You start the night looking gorgeous, drink the whole bar dry then end up either having an accident, coming close to having an accident or you both pass out in your own sick!"

"Ew Nads!"

"It's true! I think it was tangled up tour when you gave Chez a piggy back to the tour bus and she just threw up all down your back Sarah! We made you both take your dresses off before you got on the tour bus so it didn't smell, you wasn't even that bothered either Chez! You seemed to find it hilarious even though your hair was covered in sick!"

"Oh god, who ever let us near alcohol?!" Nicola laughs, cringing slightly.

"Do you remember when i think we was celebrating something? I'm not sure but we had a hectic schedule the next day so we had to stay in the hotel but we found the mini bar and got so drunk! Hilary was raging the next day, we was all pretty drunk still and we all threw up every two minutes!" I reminisce back to the day Hilary had never been more angry with us.

"We were all so troublesome back then! I can't believe Hilary hasn't left us yet for all the trouble we've caused her in the past!"

"Na! She couldn't leave her favourite girls!"

----

"Kimberley?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you stay tonight? I can sleep on the little sofa if you don't want to be in the same-"

"Of course i will but we're sharing the bed Chez, it's ok."

"Are you sure?"

I lean forward, something pushing me too even though it may not be the smartest move, and kiss her for a few seconds confirming her answer before smiling and pulling her to catch up with the girls leaving her with a very satisfied smile on her face.