I do.

Fuck Feelings

Natasha didn't know how many hours had passed, and frankly she didn't care. Yael had ran from her house, and she was left alone. Well, not completely alone, she had Clea. However no matter how thankful she was, she just wanted Yael to come back. Hurt soon turned into anger, then betrayal, then hurt again. Yael didn't know any better, all she'd ever been treated like was garbage by the men she'd given her heart to. But Natasha was different, she wouldn't let Yael slip away from her and dammit she would prove she loved her.  But first she had to find out where she was. She texted their group of friends, hoping one of them would provide some insight. While she waited for a reply, Clea fixed them some dinner. It wasn't much, but she wanted Natasha to eat, given the circumstances it might help.
"You okay, kid?" Clea asked cautiously, bringing two trays and setting them on the coffe table in front of her. Natasha nodded slowly, not looking away from the TV. "She's fine, Tash. She probably went to one of your friend's places and she'll come back."
"How could she just do that?!" Natasha suddenly shouted. "Why does she think I would..that we would.." Clea grabbed her friend's hand firmly.
"Look, you said yourself it's all she's ever known. Her sister explained this to you, remember?" Natasha put her fork down, not wanting to eat at all. "Come on Natasha, you have to eat something."
"No I don't." She replied coldly.
"Yes you do. So eat. Now." Refusing to budge, Natasha crossed her arms. Stress was overpowering her, and she had no desire to try and consume anything. A few tension filled minutes of silence went by as the movie Clea had put on played. Natasha didn't care what it was, she wasn't even paying attention. A wave of excitement ran through her when she felt the vibration of her cellphone. Checking the name immediately, it was her mother. Suprised, she opened the text.
Hey sweetie, just wanted to make sure we were still on for lunch tomorrow?
Natasha sighed, of course it wouldn't be about Yael, but somehow she'd hoped it was. She replied, and what her mother texted back made her eyebrows furrow.
I saw your girlfriend walking on the side of the road into some girl's house. Everything alright between you two?

No mom. We had a fight, and she won't talk to me.

Is it alright if I come over?
Natasha thought about it for a moment, but decided against it. However Clea, who had been reading the conversation, snatched the phone from her.
"Hey!" Natasha protested, trying to swipe it back.
"It'd be good to have her here you know. She's your mother, maybe she can help."
"She won't do shit. Now give it back."
"Not until you tell her she can come over." Their argument was interrupted by two more buzzes, and Natasha was able to take the phone back.
Hello? Darling are you okay?

Screw it. I'm coming over.
Great. Now she'd have to deal with her mom.
"Thanks a lot asshole." She rolled her eyes at the brunette next to her.
"You're welcome." She replied, smirking in triumph.

"So she's had these problems all her life then huh?" Natasha's mother asked softly. Natasha didn't respond, she only nodded. "Then it sounds like neither of you are in the wrong. She make take ages to fully trust you sweetie, and if you love her you'll be willing to work hard."
"I'm more than willing, mom." Natasha sighed, her head hanging slightly. "I love her so much, words couldn't even begin to describe the extent."
"Then you've gotta do what you always do. Fight."
"How? I don't even know where she is."
"But I do. I saw her, remember?" Natasha's mom stood up and motioned for the blonde and Clea to come with her. "Come on, I'm taking you to her." Without another word, Natasha and Clea stood up and obeyed. Once they'd arrived at the place her mom saw her walk into, Natasha immediately recognized it. It was Laura's apartment complex. She exited the car, the other two promising to wait for her. The doorman let her in when he recognized who she was, and she gave him a small smile. The blonde entered the elevator when her heart sank. What if Yael bailed on her? The feeling left as soon as it came and Natasha shook her head. No, this was differed. SHE was different. Approaching the apartment door, she knocked three times. The light sound of footsteps could be heard approaching the door, and stop shortly. Reluctantly, the raven haired woman opened up.
"Hey Tash, what's up?" Natasha frowned, she didn't have time to play around.
"Is Yael in there?" She cut right to the chase. Laura hesitated, speaking nervously.
"I don't think she can talk right now. Maybe you should come back tomorrow?" She smiled apologetically, hoping Natasha wouldn't hate her. Natasha didn't have any patience left though, she needed to get in there.
"Laur, with all due respect I can't accept that. I need to see her." There was a slight pause, when Yael's voice could be heard from somewhere in the apartment.
"Let her in." Laura looked behind her, as if checking to make sure Yael was okay. Sighing, she opened the door and let the blonde in.
"Baby, please let me talk to you."
"Natasha, I'm sorry but, it's over."

Those words hit Natasha like a thousand blades. Her eyes widened as she dropped her bag she was carrying.
"What?!" Laura burst out, looking at the short brunette like she was crazy.
"I can't do this anymore, you deserve so much better than me, and in time..you'll see that." She snapped, any control she had was completely gone in that moment. Natasha's eyes filled with tears as she stared at the woman she loved so much.
"No, no I am not letting you go. I fucking LOVE you Yael Stone! Don't you dare push me away!!" She balled up her fists, stepping closer to Yael who only backed up.
"Get out, please. This is for the best."
"Bullshit!!" Natasha yelled even louder now, and Laura put a hand on her shoulder.
"I'm sorry this is a horrible time to say this but people are trying to sleep. I'd rather not get a noise complaint." Natasha took in a deep breath, realizing she was right. "Yael what the hell are you doing?? You know Natasha is the one you're meant to be with, don't start this." Silence followed for a few seconds, and Natasha had enough.
"Okay. If you don't want me anymore, fine, I'll go."
"What?" Laura turned to her blonde friend. "You can't be serious. You're letting her do this?" Natasha didn't answer, she only picked up her bag and walked toward the door. Laura tried pulling her back but to no avail. She even chased her down the hall, but it was no use. Natasha ran crying to the car, where Clea and her mother were there to embrace her. Natasha's whole world had been stripped away from her, and she was in complete darkness.

She didn't leave her room for days, which soon turned into two weeks. Clea came to check on her and bring her food ever so often, but she would rarely speak when they did. Natasha was heartbroken, she refused to look at her phone, despite the many text messages and calls. Her friends and mother had tried to visit her, but she gave strict orders to her security to not let anyone in that wasn't Clea. The brunette had never seen her friend so broken, so numb. It killed her and she seemed to be getting worse every day. Her mom recommended she see a counselor, and Clea said she would look into it. But for now, she lay in her bed, staring at the ceiling or crying. Spending her days feeling nothing but sorrow and anger.

Yael held her emotions in, as she often did. No one knew how she felt about leaving Natasha. But they were all certain this wasn't what she really wanted. No matter how hard Laura tried to talk to her about it, she would always change the subject. Genji was furious, as she should be. Natasha hadn't shown up for work, and told Yael this is what she knew would happen. But at the same time, she was worried sick for Natasha. Genji knew how much Yael meant to her, and she assumed she was probably hurting very badly. Due to this, she'd have to postpone orange's release date. She didn't know how far, but was not looking forward to the reaction of the fans. After almost three weeks however, Laura had enough.
"Yael, you have to fix this."
"I can't do anything. She'll get over it."
"I'm pretty sure she won't. Tell me why you did it." Her tone was firmer now, indicating she wanted real answers.
"Because I was scared okay?! But it doesn't matter, it's done."
"Are you saying you don't care?? Laura's voice rose, her anger boiling.
"Of course I care!! I love that woman more than anything in the world! I just...I couldn't put her through being with me. I'm too difficult." Yael started to cry now, tears falling down her cheeks as she spoke. Seeing this made Laura soften up, sitting closer to her friend on the couch.
"Yael, look at me." The brunette did as she was told, staring into Laura's green eyes. "Natasha would do anything for you. She loves you, more than I've ever seen someone love another human being. You have to trust her, because she's who you're meant to be with. You know that don't you?" Yael slowly nodded, the tears coming even more now. "But she'll never take me back, I fucked it up." She sobbed.
"No you didn't, she'll be overjoyed you want her back. Maybe a little mad at first, but she needs you."
"I can't Laura, I can't let her down again. What if I do this again? What if—"

"She was going to propose to you."