Wondering

Chapter 19

(Songs for this chapter:

Lego house- ed Sheeran

Stronger than I was- Eminem

Breathe me- Sia

When I'm gone- Eminem ) <in that order>

I try to call harry but he doesn't answer. I call louis and Liam, Liam's goes right to voicemail and louis declines it after 2 rings. I dare to call Niall and he picks up soon.

"Why aren't any of you answering my c-"

"Zayn's hurt." He says. "He...he's dead."

"H-how..." I ask.

"I'll talk to you later." I hear sadness towards Zayn and guilt towards me in his voice when he talks to me.

He hangs up and soon after I get a call from Kailey.

"Hey can I come over?"

"Well sure but I'm having my friend Emily come over.." I answer her.

"Yea yea I'll be over in a few minutes." She says and I hear her voice break in the sentence. Kailey hangs up on me and I'm left here alone with Shae. No...Shae.

"Shae...Shae wake up!"

"What?" She says slowly and quietly.

"It's zayn...he's...gone." I say.

"Oh...he's dead? I know. I talked to him...he has been planning to kill himself." She says calmly laying down to go back to sleep.

"Yo-" I begin when suddenly the front door swings open.

"Hey Emily." I say before looking up. I stand up and face her. It's Kailey.

"Kailey are you okay?" I ask pulling her towards me. Her cheeks are stained with tears and her mascara and eyeliner are both smudged.

"Zayn...he..Zayn.." She sobs.

"What...? Let's talk outside." I say leaving Shae alone to sleep.

"He...Zayn" she hides her face in her hands and sobs unable to finish her sentence.

"I know Kailey...you knew Zayn? Since when did you two ever talk?" I ask looking deep into her eyes.

Her light blue eyes look scared and confused and much darker than usual.

"About two weeks before he went to jail..." She stops, taking a deep breath. "Then that bitch Shae put him in jail for nothing, and we couldn't be together."

"But-" she interrupts

"I visited him all the times I could and..." Her eyes once again full with tears. "He usually says "see you soon" but the last time he just said "goodbye"" she starts to sob loudly putting her makeup stained face in her hands.

"Like...like what happened with Martha..." I whisper. She nods her head still crying.

My eyes gloss over and my breathing hitches. "Well uhm..." I take a deep breathe holding the small string of strength I have left. "I think we just need to wait for tomorrow and talk it all out later...this is too much."

It's all way too much. I can't take it. It's like holding onto a cliff with only one finger. Well that finger, that small but of support, those extra seconds, their wearing away slowly within every day that passes.

"I need to go to bed...I-I'm sorry." I say "bye" I hug Kailey a walk into my dorm and fall asleep and forget everything in the present.

~