Remember My Mistakes

7. Murphy

I stared down at the picture, trying to piece together why the picture was behind the fridge and not in the front like all the others. Of course, being me, I just figured there was some other alternative reason for it being there.

Was it there on accident? Or was it purposely put there because of some reason. I don't know. I mean, it could be anything, really.

I walked into the living room, but before I could even speak a word, I went into a dream.

**Flashback**

"Murphy! Why didn't you call?" I screamed at him, knowing that he could of called the moment it happened. "Because you won't understand! You never do!" He yelled back.

I gasped in shock. "Murphy, I've been with you for as long as I can remember!"

He looked and I grunted. "No, you think your there, but you never listen!" He scowled. He turned to leave. "Murphy don't you dare leave!" I warned. He turned to face me.

"You know Cara, I wish you would listen to yourself sometimes. You always say what's on your mind, and you don't care who else is around you. Do you even care about anybody else's feelings?" He said coldly, and did that hurt.

"Of course I do. I'm always here for you and deep down, you know that!" I told him, trying to make things better but he just turned his head.

"Murphy!" I called him, and he stopped in his tracks. "And if you haven't realized, I didn't appreciate what you said about those two gay guys down at the cafe." He spoke softly, as if it hurt.

I looked at him, "what did I say?" He looked up, and I could see a single tear roll down his cheek. "That you could never be friends with people like that." He stuttered. (This is just a comment a character made, not me as a person.)

"No, Murphy. I didn't mean it like that." I tried to explain but he cut me off. "How did you mean it, huh? Like I said, it really hurt!" I furrowed my eyebrows at him and asked, "why would it hurt you?"

Murphy turned and opened the door, but before leaving he said. "You know my number, call me when things are better." He got ready to close the door. "Wait! Why did it hurt you?" I called out. He stuck his head through the door and whispered, "because I'm gay too." And hen he was gone. Leaving me in my sorrow.

I felt nothing but pure pain. I hurt him, and I hurt him bad. I don't know when I should call him but I need to give him his time.

I looked ups t the calendar and it said March 11th. How much time should I give him? How much space does he need? Does he really want to become my friend again? I sighed, maybe I had to much wine, and that came out on accident. I am not against gay people, never was, and never will be. Too bad Murphy doesn't see that, and now I need to apologize.

Apologize.

******

I shook my head so I would snap out of my day dream. I looked down and saw that Brett's eyes were glued to my shaky form. He stood and took a step towards me, but I stepped back. "Cara? What's wrong?" He spoke softly, just like Murphy, when he finally told me. "Was I a bad person?" I asked, tears forming in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall.

Brett took in a deep breath and tried to calm be down by walking closet but I held my hands up to make him stop. He did. "Answer the question, was I bad person?" I repeated, hoping, just hoping that he would tell me I wasn't.

Brett closed his eyes and spoke. "No." I exhaled. That was a relief, but then he spoke again "but you did have your problems. But nobody is perfect, and you know that." Then disappointment washed over.

Disappointment

That feeling you get when you didn't reached your goal. The feeling when you don't get what you desire most. There are not many words to disappointment, but I can tell you from experience, it sucks. Even though it's not as bad as sadness.

Sadness

It fills you insides as if you were a container. You continues to fill and fill into you can't hold it any more. So it just pours out of your eyes like rain. Your heart cracks and you just can't control your cried. But it's not as bad as regret.

Regret

Wishing you could have your time back. Wondering what would of happened if you did something the other way. Hoping that you'll be fine, but your mind tells you otherwise. It's
A regret, and most people live with regrets for their entire lives. I dot want to end up live that. Wishing that you could fix the problem you started. Fill the cracks you've made, and repair the broken hearts you've shattered.

I can't be here when all i feel is disappointment. I can't heal myself if I am swimming in my very own pool of sadness. I can't live when I carrying all there regrets. I can't get anywhere.

How move forward when you have so many things holding you back? How do you move up when you have so many things weighing you down? How to you live when you have nothing to live for? How can you start your future if your stuck in your past?

There's only one answer to each one of those questions. You can't. You have to fix he problems before moving forward. Somethings may be more difficult than others, and sometimes it takes longer to realize what you did was wrong, and I finally see it now.

So here is where I'll fix myself. Create a brand new image, but still be the same Cars in the process. I'll just make a few changes, I get to fix my self and make myself a better person. I get to put my life on track, and I get to build myself in a better way.

I get to push my restart button.