Remember My Mistakes

23. The real world

"You have a girlfriend?" I asked him, completely surprised bully his sudden words. He didn't speak, nor did he show any emotion. He just left. Left me alone in the house.

A part of me wished he would turn around and come back. Then I heard the front door slam, and I knew he was gone. Only God knows when Chase would come back to see me, let alone forgive me.

I've messed up, and I've messed up bad. However, he doesn't hate me as much as he did when he first arrived.

When he first arrived, he looked at me as if i was his worst nightmare. Like I would destroy him if he didn't get away, as if I was his enemy. Trust me, that doesn't make you feel to good, you know, when your brother looks at you as if your some sort of evil entity that what's to destroy him and the world around him. You know that feeling?

But now, he seems to have softened. He doesn't to have so much hatred in his eyes. However, your eyes can only see the feelings that a person places upon himself. He could be burning deep down in the inside, and i wouldn't know. He was always good had hiding his feelings. It's as if he was wearing a mask, all the time, and you could never ever know how he was truest feeling. That's the thing about Chase.

Chase is one of those people that's you can't read. They are so good at hiding emotions that you wouldn't really know what they're feeling. I really wish he wasn't though, because then i would know what he's feeling. It kind of sucks, but a guess that's what happens when you go away to the army. You've seen things that many others back home did not, and you have to live with the haunting memory, all your life.

I can sort of see what it can do to a person. Chase used to be loving, caring now, and understanding. Never step down for what he believed in, really smart, and was very protective over the ones he loved. That included me. Well, it used to.

I feel a hole about the size of an apple in my heart. I could feel the pain just coming back. The wave of regret had finally, finally, returned. Even though I wished it hadn't. It hurts, and it hurts so much. It's just withering away my sanity and I'm going to go insane.

I don't know how Brett puts up with me, honestly. He has to be gone insane as well. With all my crying, me being confused, not to mention all those mistakes I've made. Now I have to remember my mistakes to fix them, and trust me, it doesn't make you feel to great. You know, to see how bad you really are until you are forced to remember all those horrid things you've done in your past.

It may sound good. Being able to have a restart button, but it's not so easy. It really isn't a restart button, it's a reality check. You don't get to start over, you only get to see your mistakes. You then get two choices.

#1 Live your life as if you never cared.

#2 Fix your mistakes, but you can still live your life

Choice number two is the best one. In my opinion anyways. You can fix your mistakes, and you can still move forward. However, you have to be careful not to get to tied up in your past. You can move into your future if your stuck in your past. My dad said that to me once, and I will try my hardest to carry on with his wisdom guiding me. Even if he stopped visiting me a while back.

So, really, you get to control your own life. Rule your own world. If your able to make the right choices. If you choose the wrong once, you'll burn down in flames. That sounds like a lot of pressure, because it is. That's the tragedy of living. That your constantly forced to choose your choices, but that's life. 

You life is affected by the choices you make, and the choices others make. That may sound unfair, but it's true. Life is a never-ending cycle of lifelong choices that shape the world as we know it.

I sighed, as I pulled over my light pink, under armor sweatshirt on. I grabbed the Advil that Brett has brought in. Took one, and then left to got to the kitchen. I didn't have a headache anymore, I just took the Advil for the sake of taking it. Even though I know I shouldn't, I could honestly couldn't care less at this moment.

I went to go leave the house but I felt a large hand grab my wrist. I was pulled back into a hard body, and I just stood there. I prayed, prayed that he would never let me go. But he did. He turned me to face him and then bent down quickly stole a kiss from me.

"Hey!" I spoke, wiping it off. He cocked a brow. "Wiping it off, huh? Well, I'll just have to replace it with another one." he spoke, and went to kiss me again, but I took off. Ran for the living room. I wasn't very fast, because he caught me before I could make it to the sofa. I squealed when he lifted me up and pinned me to the wall. "Brett! Let me g..." but I was unable to finish my sentence.

He placed, a long, passionate kiss on my lips. I melted I his arms. He let go of my wrists and placed on hand in my hair, and the other on my face. I placed my hands on his chest, gripping tightly onto his shirt.

When he pulled away, I let go of his shirt. He smirked and spoke very calmly. "Don't wipe of your kiss.." then he moved closer to my ear. "Or I'll be forced to go a lot harder next time." Then he walked away.

I paused for a few moments, completely dazed. Harder? Oh god, I can only imagine. I grabbed the house keys and slipped on my sneakers. I left the house without another word. Not realizing how many enemies I actually had, awaiting somewhere out in the world.