Remember My Mistakes

10. Chase

"Cara? What are you doing here?" He asked, in a very serious tone. I pushed myself to step away from him. I don't know why I would back away from him, did i do something wrong? Again?

Then my eyes went all funny and I got really dizzy. It felt like another dream, another memory. But this one was big, REALLY big. This one must of affected me a whole lot.

**Flashback***

"Chase, we have to be here for each other. We are all we have." I explain to him, but it didn't seem to effect him at all.

"Cara, you don't understand. I have to go. You have mom." He reasoned, but that didn't make me feel any better. I hugged into his chest, not planning on letting go.

"You can't leave me Chase! You just can't! I need you here!" I cried. I could feel the hot tears roll down my cheeks as I hugged him tighter.

I felt his arms wrap me. We stood there for a while until he pulled away. "You'll be fine, Cara. I know how strong you are." He was trying to make things better, but it was not helping. Not at all.

"Chase, no. Don't...don't go. You might get hurt. I won't be able to live without you." I sobbed. The collar of my shirt was soaked with tears. I didn't want him to go, and I would do anything to make him change his mind.

But, he was more stubborn than I was,and that's saying something. "Cara, don't cry, I'll come back." He spoke. "But, I can't lose you..... Not like we lost dad."

"You won't lose me.."

"I might!"

"Cara, don't be like that."

I could of exploded when he said that. I honestly don't know why. If you were to ask me why I got made at that sentence, I wouldn't be able to give a direct answer.

"No, Chase, I won't be okay! Do you even care about me? Your just leaving me? I thought you have a heart, but clearly your heartless." I spat out at him. He rubbed his eyebrow and shook his head.

"You may be angry, but don't say things you'll regret." He warned, but I was to furious to care. "No Chase! You think that leaving is going to help you. That everything will be fine when you come back. Well guess what? It won't be!" I yelled, banging my chest as if I was King Kong.

"You don't mean that." Chase gasped, my comment taking him by surprise. I wiped the tears that were still falling from my eyes. "Yes, yes I do." I said, taking small pauses before saying each word.

He shook his head and wiped his lips. Then turned around to leave. "Chase!" I yelled out to him, and he stopped in his tracks, but didn't turn around to face me.

"If you leave, I will no longer be your family!" I warned him. He let his head hand low and shook it. Then left, without saying another word. Leaving me to crumble to the floor, sobbing.

I've cried so much that no sound came out. I don't need him I told myself. I don't need him, I can't make it on my own. However, I knew that I was lying to myself. No matter how many times I told myself this lie, I would never believe myself.

*****

"Chase..." I spoke softly. It has been 9 years. Nine long years since I saw him last. He was no longer the young adult I once knew. That sweet brother I could turn to whenever something when wrong.

Sweet.

He would braid my hair as a kid when I couldn't get it right. He would bring down on the beach, to collect shells. He would hug me whenever I cried. He was very protective.

Protective.

He would beat up anybody who called me a bad name, or hurt my feelings. God forbid anyone lay a finger on me. I pity the person who went and did that. He was always keeping people on their toes. He'd put his life on the line for me. He would die for me. He would do anything for me. He was more like an older brother than my twin, but he still was my brother.

Brother.

Someone that is here for you. They are a close relative. They are there when you need them. They are blood. They are family.

Family.

I told him he wasn't my family anymore. Which was something I shouldn't of done. I was wrong to do something like that, i was in the wrong. I WAS wrong. Now I need to fix it, but I don't know how.

Do I just apologize? Will he want to take me back? But who wants to take back someone who broke your heart, and didn't try to fix it? Who didn't speak to you? Who didn't even come to see you? For NINE years. Nine long years.

I don't know.... I really don't know. It's like I'm stuck in s tiny little room and I have to solve this riddle to get out. The only problem is that I don't know the answer. I don't know where to start. I don't know what to do.

I look up at him, his arms are crossed over his chest. His eyebrows were drawn down and he looked disappointed. He didn't want to see me, I got the hint.

I raised my hand and opened my mouth to speak, but closed it when he closed his eyes. "Cara." He said very firmly. He had a scar just about his left eyebrow. It looked like it hurt. It wasn't there when he left, but I guess stuff like that happens when you go and join the army.

I'm just glad I didn't lose him, but something tells me I lost him nine years ago.

"Chase, I...." I tried to speak but he raised his hand and I stipend talking. He lowered it back to his side. "Save it." Then he into the small cafe. I was right.

I had already lost him.