Remember My Mistakes

28. Divorce

"Mom, is this true?" I asked her, horrified. I was hoping that this was just some dream. Something I made up in this head of mine. She let her head hang low and then she spoke very quietly. "Yes, baby. I'm so sorry, I wish... I wish things were different." I could hear remorse in her voice.

"I..I didn't want to bring this up hear, but soon everyone will know. You do know how nosey people are." dad chimed in. I looked at him and could only say one word. "Why?"

He looked at me. "I know, but it's just the way life is." he told me. "But that isn't fair!" I screamed at him, not realizing how loud I really was. "Life isn't fair." he spoke, then left the room. Telling us that he would wait in the car for us.

Life isn't fair.

Those were his words. Even though we all have to live. Our hearts are beating and our lungs out breathing. We don't have the choice. We all have to live in such an unfair world, and we cannot stop it.

It's like your a dove, trapped inside a bird cage. You are constantly stuck in this one place. You can watch all the troubles outside your cage happen, and you cannot stop any of it. You just sit and watch.

That's the feeling of useless. You are unable to do anything for those around you. You have to watch them get beaten down, crash and burn, shatter, and wither away. No one ever wants to be in that position. Being useless, helpless, which practically makes you worthless. That's exactly how I feel.

Useless.

Helpless.

Worthless.

All three feeling combined together into one makes you feel like a nothing. It's makes you feel like you serve no purpose.

Do I serve a purpose?

Why am I here? I practically threw away all my time, just because I was had a stupid car accident. I wish that I just stayed where I was. I should of listened to mom, and stayed at a hotel or something.

Then everything would of been back to normal. Everything. It could be the way things used to be. But they way things used to be.... Wasn't as good. I didn't have Murphy, nor did I have Chase. What about Brittany? Everybody that disliked me, I fixed our relationships.

So, why would I wish for my time back?

This is all to confusing for me. I shook my head, trying to push away all the thoughts that were in my head, and pay attention to the family around me. I can't keep wandering in my mind like that, I need to stay focused.

"The doctor said your fine, you just bruised your hip. The shock made you pass out." Chase spoke. I could finally move.

A few hours later....

I sat of my couch, curled up into a ball. I was sitting on Brett's lap, telling him how grateful I was that I had him. He was telling me that he was happy that I he had me, but I still felt the need to tell him.

After watching "Pawn stars" and "storage wars" I found my way upstairs. However, Brett decided to play "hero" and carried me up the stairs. I laughed as he did his best "superman" impression.... He spun me around and threw me onto the big, queen sized bed. I into bounced once and he was on top of me.

"Brett? What are you doing now?" I asked him, he cocked an eyebrow. Within seconds his lips crashed into mine, and I couldn't resist. I kissed him back.

We fell asleep entangled in each other, my head in his chest, and his hands on my waist. I never wanted to let go.

**Flashback**

"You'll understand when your older." Dad whispered, as he tucked my into bed. "But I am old enough daddy. I am!" I tried to persuade him, but e didn't take the bait.

"Listen honey, I really love your mom. That's all you need to know." He told me softly. "Well, are you going to answer my question?" I asked, trying to sound as innocent as possible. We will have this talk when your older." He repeated. Then he closed the door. "But how are babies made!?!?!?" I sung out behind the closed door.

I heard my dad chuckled, which followed with footsteps that went downstairs. I could hear no longer hear them. Their voices were too low to make out their voice, so I wondered.

Will I be a mom one day? How many kids will I have? What will their names be? Boy or girl? Hair colour? Eyes?

But here was the question that left me in confusion the must....

Who will their dad be?

Mom and Dad were always together, so I just figured that it takes two to raise a kid. So...

Who will their dad be?

****

I blinked my eyes, there was so much sunlight. I forgot to close the blinds. I wiped my eyes and pushed the hair out of my face. I looked down at Brett, and he was sound asleep. I ran my fingers threw his hair. He was gorgeous.

I looked in the mirror and saw that my hair was tousled, my lipstick had been
Smeared, there was sleep in my eyes. I looked like a zombie.

Not-so gorgeous.

I started thinking, he had to sleep with that last night? I said to myself. That was crazy.

I walked into the kitchen, I was just pouring tea into a mug when I heard the door.

I walked over and my mom came crying. She hugged into me and started apologizing for divorcing m dad. I was trying so hard to comfort her, and then I realized something, and it broke my heart.

She still loves him.