My Secret Love Song #TransPRIDE

04. Eli's Question Mark

~Elias POV~

The silence was my answer to a question I had never thought about.

"It's okay to be a guy and do the things you do. But today, I told you to man up, and your face went from happy to extremely depressed. Your entire body seized like I stabbed you or something. Honestly Eli, I don't care. I just need you to be happy, " Matty says. He finishes the cone before standing up and offering me a sticky hand.

"We still have to pick up that bike for that guy Milo," Matty quickly changes the subject and wraps his arm around my shoulder as we walk back to the parking lot.

"We can't be too long Matty, we're two hours out and I still have to fill out my planner," I finally speak and he gently pats me on the back.

"Alrighty I knew you were a nerd but I didn't think it was this bad," He chuckles as we get into the Mustang and he shoves me out of the driver's seat with ease.

"Shut up," I give him a gentle shove and he rolls his eyes, turning on our Spotify playlist and boosting the bass.

"Let go, Eli! It's our senior year, stop stressing out over nothing and you'll be just fine," He says as a small piece of life advice. I rest my elbow against the window frame and let the fresh air hit my face as I try to relax the anguish that had been left to rot on the inside. I bury these feelings down as deep as they can go but I have a feeling they are just starting to hit the metaphorical brim.

My phone is a buzz of sudden messages from my one and only, Ryan.

If someone asked me if I had ever been in love, I would have to tell them no.

I met Ryan on the first day of freshman year when we were just kids at best. I was starting to come out of my shell and be myself but he told me he wanted a masculine man and it was wrong of me to try to be like him. I would never in a million years want to be 'like him' so I thought being more feminine wasn't for me. 

As much as I had learned to tolerate having Ryan as a permanent fixture in my life, he's taught me a lot these past few years. Which is also why it's becoming harder to let him go. Observing him and his strange interactions with others including the mirror helped me to see how different we were.

I met him when he was just a nice boy from Connecticut who had recently relocated because his father's in the military. He was kind, smart, and genuine. Now he hits the antithesis of every single one of those words. He's mean to anyone who he sees as a 'threat'', If he doesn't clean up his act soon he's going to be a super senior, and he was the fakest, backstabbing, two-timing bitch I know.

But he also just so happens to be my boyfriend.

"Did you see the post from some closeted trans guy at school? He acts like it's a new concept. No one asked to hear his story." Ryan had texted me and for some reason the word trans makes my heart skip a few beats.

Matty peeks over my shoulder while we stop at a light.

"Is it Ryan? What does he want now? I'm not picking him up," Matty narrows his eyes.

"It is, but it's not about me for once, he's mad about some transgender kid posting his story in the school blog," I explain and he scoffs.

"Of fucking course he would, you really need to break up with that scumbag, he's not good for you. I don't even care if you do it via breakup text anymore. It's what he fucking deserves." Matty gives his blessing and I quickly get to work at we make our way to the closest target on our way home.