My Secret Love Song #TransPRIDE

14. Eli's Acceptance

"Dad, what would my name had been if I was a girl?" 

I ask my father as I swirl my spoon around the uneaten cereal, taking a small sip of milk from the spoon knowing it has far fewer calories than the cereal itself. 

Dad sits across from me at the kitchen table with a cappuccino wrapped in the palm of one hand and his work tablet in the other. I bite the edge of my lip, wishing I hadn't asked as he lays the glass screen flat on the table and hums to himself while taking the steaming mug to his lips.

Our mornings were usually spent like this. Since Appa and Matty like to sleep in as long as possible, usually dad and I talk about life and eat breakfast together. 

I got my looks from my father, with my identical brown hair dark it was often black depending on the light, matching light gray eyes, and chiseled jawline. However, I was thankful to have the body of my Appa, lacking in height, muscle weight, and a higher tone of voice.

"I don't know, your Appa and I knew you both were boys when we named you so we never thought of any girl names," he says and I felt a small twinge of disappointment.

"Your Appa was like 75% sure you were a girl, but you proved him wrong," He adds and I could feel my face heat up with weird nervous butterflies I couldn't control. He wasn't wrong after all. 

"Why are you asking?" Dad continues and I choke on the milk I was sipping.

"N-No particular reason," I stutter and dad stares me down for a few moments which felt like forever. My heart ceases to breathe and my worst fear of him knowing start running through my brain at lightning speed. 

God, I'm so stupid. I mean could it be any more obvious? 

Dad narrows his silver eyes in suspicion and I sink back in my seat, avoiding his eye contact. Fearing the second they met, he would know everything. 

"Are you feeling alright Eli? Is there something going on?" He asks and I quickly shake my head.

"Nothing's wrong, why?" I shrug, trying to play it off like his son Eli would. 

"You're shaking," he nods to my spoon and my gaze falls to the shakey utensil which was giving me away.

"Aha, must be my excitement is all, we're filming our new music video today for NTB. This week it's an R&B type song which is new for all of us so I'm excited to see our fans reactions," I quickly cover my tracks and change the subject. 

"Hmm, maybe Mika and I will stop by later then. We're interested to see what you guys have been working so hard on," He says and picks up his work tablet again, standing up to put his mug in the sink.

"Annnd we also want to know why there's always a hoard of screaming teenagers outside the gate. We'll have to talk later about possibly heightening security around here and around the four of you. Maybe over dinner after you guys finish filming?" He suggests and I give a sharp nod.

"That sounds good, I'll tell the guys then," I quickly spit out, to lessen his suspicion. He smiles until he looks out his watch and lets out a loud groan.

"You're Appa and I have a meeting this morning with the board of directors for Google but I don't want to poke the sleeping bear," He sighs and I chuckle lightly. Appa was a deadweight and if you tried to wake him up before he was ready to go, all hell would break loose.

"Google huh? Sounds important enough but is it really worth the personal sacrifice?" I point my spoon towards my throat and he wipes his wet hands on a dish towel.