Lovely »Pidge/Katie • Voltron«

-18- Straw of Gold

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December 30, 7805

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It was difficult to feel.

Katie felt like her emotions were paralyzed and her body was barely functioning. Although she felt hungry, she refused to eat and drank water sparsely. Malnourishment only complimented the sleep deprived migraines she kept forcing upon herself. The dark crescents, untamed hair, and sickly pale skin made her appearance seem zombified. The glowing golden eyes were the only things that were surging with life.

The young woman didn't leave the laboratory very often. She did not think it was necessary. When she did leave it would be late into the peaceful slumber, often no one would see or hear her. She would use the restroom, cleaning the copper curls, and then take some supplies for her projects.

This particular night she was in need of a projector she had left inside Shiro's room. Cursing softly, Pidge quietly entered the bedroom the two used to share. When she had asked for space the Black Paladin was willing to give her that. When she walked in she saw her beloved partner sleeping peacefully with his back facing her. A steady breathing pace made her smile, she quickly grabbed the gadget she had wanted and began walking away.

Just as the smooth and metallic door slid open she heard a quiet voice.

"Katie."

The girl turned around and looked somberly at the former gladiator. She gave a small smile but her mind urged her to hide away inside the lab. Pidge didn't want to leave the man she loved like that. She kneeled to the bedside, he was laying on his side and looking into her eyes.

"Hi, honey." She said endearingly, her voice cracking from the lack of use.

"I missed you, so much when you were gone. I couldn't stop crying and every night I prayed to join you."

Her heart shattered at the thought. Shiro was a role model to so many, including herself. He was the youngest graduate and pilot. He was seen as a strong and intelligent man, seeing him so broken gave her unexplainable pain.

The idea that he wanted to die and that he would ask for his demise just to join her was unbearable. Katie didn't deserve him. As much as she yearned for his touch, she could never earn it.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, I can't have you. You're so much better and you need someone just as good as you. I love you so much, it hurts." Katie sobbed.

Shiro felt like hugging her but he couldn't move. The shock rumbling through his head, how could someone so perfect not think they're good enough.

"My love-"

"I'm the worst, I keep hurting the people I care about. Especially you, I don't deserve to live. You don't understand how terrifying it is to love someone like you, Shiro. I'm so scared, I'm scared of myself and I'm scared of you." She cried, head in her hands.

She heard a bit of shuffling and stiffened as strong arms lifted her small frame. Katie felt Shiro whisper comforting nothings as he cradled the girl he loved. The Green Paladin couldn't stop sobbing into the chest of the team leader.

"Katie, please, let's try again."

"I'm fucked up, Takashi. I'm not innocent. I'm not good enough for you."

"You know about my fears and have consoled me. You know about my scars and you've healed them. Love, you're so much more than good."

"Takashi-"

Before Katie could respond with a self deprecating comment she felt chapped, warm lips over hers. Melting into the soft touch, she reciprocated the action.

Shiro was able to taste a tear as he kissed her soft lips. So familiar, so comforting. So perfect. They slowly parted and felt a bit of disappointment at the loss.

"I can't earn you."

"You already have."

"You're getting into a world of troubles."

"I'm the leader of a giant galactic feline. I can do this."

He was blown away by the short laugh that sprung from her voice. It was beautiful. He had missed the noise so much, he even had it on video in case he ever forgot what happiness felt and sounded like. Like a broken record, when Katie was gone, it would repeat into his ears continuously.

Glimmering gold reflected the stars that were displayed by the bay window. Divinity so wholesome, rivaling the exquisiteness Mother Nature as the lovely smile he missed so much formed.

"I'm sorry."

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December 30, 7805

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Katie was hyperventilating and sobbing, unable to control the emotions wracking through her body. The pain, the blurred vision and the headache. The girl had just left the love of her life in tears, she felt like dying. She locked the laboratory's doors and pressed her back against the cool metal.

She looked at her ring, glaring at with such anger before furiously grabbing it and attempting to pull it off her slender fingers. Unsuccessful and sliding to the ground as she was helpless to the scream that tore through her broken voice.

"This is your fault! You did this to me!" She shouted at an absent presence.

No one would hear the terror raining inside the room. The walls contained all noise, the camera never gave feed to the control room. The lights were dim and there was only a telescope that allowed a view of the outside.

Her small frame trembled. She looked and sounded pathetic. The once strong, witty, and powerful Green Paladin was reduced to the emotional stability of a child throwing a tantrum.

"I'm broken! I'm less than dirt! I'll never be good enough for Takashi and I can never love him the same way because I'm useless!" Katie's voice was strained as she yelled. The lack of usage and dry throat hurt her.

Pidge struggled to walk to her chair. Her legs dragged her across as her sadness contrasted the golden personality that once radiated off her.

She was disgusting, hideous, and tainted.

"I'm so sorry."