Secret Door

Preface

My god, he was so beautiful and the night was so beautiful and I was so beautifully drunk.

Under the almost hypnotic and somehow simultaneously nightmarish light of the evening, I was swimming in the surreal paradise that was Miles' embrace. I told myself I didn't know what had happened or how I had gotten here, but of course I knew. I knew he was mesmerizing and all I had been thinking about for weeks on end before I finally ended up drunk enough and brave enough and fucking crazy enough to give in to myself.

I finally caved in and let my emotions run through my body like hot lava stinging and burning at all the cracks around my heart. I finally admitted to myself something I had been burying inside me for so long. I finally admitted to myself how fucking gorgeous he was and how hard it was for me to always look away when he caught my eye, to always turn my head down when he danced around on stage like a maniac, his smile making my hands shake.

I told myself how much I loved it when he hugged me even for just that fraction of a second after we finished playing. That flicker of a moment would run through my mind for months like a faulty film projector, distorting the image with time. I let myself realize how warm and safe I felt when his arms were around me, and I let myself realize how much I needed that fraction of a second to last for hours.

So there I was, so pitifully drunk and pitifully shameless, breathing softly against Miles' chest as he stroked my hair. It was almost as if he was silently reassuring me that this was all going to last forever and that I wasn't going to have to wake up tomorrow with my head aching and full of turmoil from more than just alcohol.

His steady hands tried to reassure me that I wasn't going to have to wake up tomorrow and crush his beautiful heart.