In A Relationship With Lay of Exo

s a n s h i l i u

ERRORS AHEAD

Comments. Please.
And please stop asking why I didn't update for so long like it was a crime not to. I also have a lot of things going on in my life.

Twitter accts of the girls (remove the slash):
@/minsongg
@/missxuyan
@/3cks_elle
@/mysteriousinbi
@/fearless_bfbh
@/youth.jin
@/FYixia

You can talk and interact them. Thanks.
——

YIXING STARED at my rings on the table, the house were dimly lit. Only the lights on the kitchen counter were turned on, our sighs were deeply emphasized by the silence. "Can't we really work this out?" He asked, meeting my eyes but I got too scared to see how I'm hurting him so I looked away.

Actually, we can. We can work it out but not now, I can't deal with this for the rest of my life. His job is what introduced him to me after losing my memories but this type of set-up is going to break me more than what happened when I was away. This is slowly killing me, being someone who waits for him and sends him off.

I know he loves me, I can feel that, but this is too much. Love isn't something that keeps the marriage working, it needs time and effort and clearly, he can't give me both of those because those are exclusively for his job. "Next time, maybe?" Another tear fell from my left eye, I clasp my hands together to keep myself together. "I'm really s-sorry," I started sobbing hard, "I love you, I love you, I love you. I just can't... with this, Yixing." And I know I can't demand for more.

He reached for my hands, his glossy eyes were too painful to watch, "Do you want me to quit my job, hm? Tell me, please."

"No, no!" I shook my head, "Please, no." This divorce will break my heart, just one, but if he quits his job, he will break millions of hearts: his fans', his members', and his as well. I can just... be hurt on my own because one day, it'll be okay eventually. We can both heal and move on.

"What about Zian?"

"You can still be his father, Yixing. You can take him when you're here, it will still be the same." Zian might suffer because of this divorce but I know he'll suffer even more when we still try to force things just for our son. We're not getting divorce because someone cheated, or because we no longer love each other, we're getting divorce because this is the best for us.

He slammed his palm on the table, "Is this what'll make you happy?"

It was hard to stop the sobs from coming, there was nothing else I could feel but agony. It might seem like it was too sudden for me to decide but the entire time waiting for him and finally welcoming him only to be set aside again for his work was torturous. He was sick but I couldn't even take care of him because he was too far made me feel worse as his wife.

Marrying him wasn't a mistake and it will never be one but I'm afraid if I don't quit now, we'll never be the same persons we are now.

This divorce will not make me happy for a months and maybe years but it would destroy me less than this marriage will so with clenched fists, I said, "Yes."

We all have definitions of love, but none of us can ever judge how someone loves another because honestly, there's nothing that could measure it. Also, no one is in the position to invalidate anyone's feelings. Staying despite receiving pain—yet you're called stupid and martyr—and letting go to stop the pain—still, you get called stupid and selfish—might be two different things but that doesn't mean they have different intensity of love.

And I am choosing the latter.

THE DIVORCE papers were easily filled in, I only got to talk with Yixing's lawyer because he is, as usual, busy with his schedules. It's funny how even when ending our marriage, I am still not at the top of his list. His lawyer slid the papers in front of me, "He already signed it, yours are the only one needed. According to him, you can take the house and transfer the ownership under your name."