Days of Our Lives (Book 2)

Chapter 18 - And you're rushing headlong out of control

Sunday, 20th July, 1986

The Hilton, Cologne, West Germany

But I haven't found John, he disappeared without a trace: I've been searching for him in the bar, in the restaurant and even in his room, but no answer. I didn't know if he wasn't there or just simply didn't answer, but after a while I just had to give up finding him. I went back to the others and they were all looking at me awaiting as I stepped in, but I just shook my head as a no and sat down beside Roger. The party went on, everyone had a good time despite of what had happened, only Brian, Jim Beach, Freddie, Roger and me were a bit more upset than before. Roger handed me over another drink and I looked at him gratefully as I inserted a ciggie between my lips, then watched him to light it for me. The four were silently talking, while all the others enjoyed the party. When I finished my ciggie and drink, I lent over to Roger:

-Babe, I'm tired, I go to bed if you don't mind. You just stay as long as you want, okay? – I caressed his shoulder.

-No – he yawned – I'm coming with you, been a long day, I'm also tired.

So we wished happy birthday again to Brian, said goodbye to all and made our ways silently back to the suite. Because the pieces of Brian's birthday cake were still in our hair, we took a quick shower, but not so much later we were already laying in the bed in each other's arms. Soon I've heard Roger breathing gently, but no matter how tired I was, I couldn't get to sleep. I turned around, thinking about going out to have a one last ciggie, but for a moment I sat on the edge of the bed to stretch my back and waist.

-You okay, Lyv? – I heard his voice in the darkness.

-Yeah, fine. – I turned around and caressed his arm – Thought you're already sleeping...my waist hurts a bit, but it's okay Rog babe, you just sleep.

-I can't sleep. – he sat up – Come babe.

He made me laying face down in the bed, sat to my butt and started to work on my back and waist gently.

-Nice little knot in your muscles Lyv, what happened?

-Must be the chair in the restaurant. Wasn't really comfortable, after a while I felt the pain more and more but didn't want to ruin the party. – I mumbled, enjoying his hands on me.

-Pfff... – he moaned – couldn't do it anyway. Someone else did.

-Yeah... – I sighed, then stayed in silence for a couple of moments, thinking about John – Rog...

-Hm?

-I know you're gonna hate me for that but I worry about him so much.

-I'm not gonna hate you for that, why would I?

-I mean...not only for what happened at the party. But...haven't you noticed that lately he's drinking too much? I mean, even more than before.

-Yeah, I know. John had always handled stress a bit differently than any other of us.

-Rog, for God's sake! – I rolled my eyes – Handling stress differently? I understand he's having a stress, I understand he's tired and exhausted. We all are. And I also know and understand he has serious problems in his marriage, but this...this is not the right way, this isn't the solution. It never was. We have to stop him somehow. – I mumbled the last part, remembering an old childhood memory.

-Lyv, he's a grown up man, you can't tell him what to do. – I heard misunderstanding in Roger's voice.

-Of course not, I don't even want to. But – I turned around, put my arms around Roger's neck and pulled him down for a kiss – but if I could talk to him...maybe I can turn his mind...Maybe I can open his eyes. Maybe he will listen to me.

-You think you can do it? I know John, none of us could convince him and believe me, we tried. – Roger laid beside me in the bed, elbowing up on the pillow.

-Why, has this happened before? – I looked at him in the darkness with worried eyes.

-John being drunk? A lot. – I felt his soft hand caressing my hips, then resting on my belly.

-And John yelling and throwing glasses?

-Uhmmm – he raised his eyes to the ceiling, seemingly thinking for a moment – not to my knowledge.

-Dear Lord... – I pressed my hands to my forehead – So it's gone worse. I'll surely need to have a word with him tomorrow. In case if he turns up, of course.

-Yeah, could be anywhere. If you haven't found him around, he must have gone out to some bar.

-Even worse. All alone out there, in his condition...

-He'll be okay Lyv, believe me. This has happened a lot of times already, John going out to a bar.

-Yeah, but not alone, Ratty or Crystal or maybe both of them were always with him.

-Not always Lyv. John escaping to a party or a bar has always been quite usual. But finally he always turned up, sooner or later. This time I think it'll be later. – Roger mumbled, as I felt his soft touch wandering around my chest and belly.

-You think so? – I looked at him with worried eyes again.

-Sure! Will have a hangover, but will be fine.

-Okay, if you say so. You know him better than me. – I faced him to cuddle tight.

-Believe me babe. – he put his arms around me again – Anyway it's really nice from you to worry about him so much.

-He's my brother and I love him. Natural if I do, innit? – I shrugged my shoulder.

-Say it once again and I'll be fuckin' jealous. – he kissed my lips.

-You don't have to be. I'd be worried the same if Freddie or Brian had a serious problem.

-Hey and what if I had problems? – he slapped my butt.

-I'd go totally crazy. Like I did during and after this damned Wembley-weekend.

-Hey, why haven't you told me about that? For me you seemed so calmed and relaxed.– his voice became serious.

-Calmed and relaxed? God babe, I was scared to death. – I rolled my eyes – All I could think about is that I fuckin' don't wanna loose you. But you needed me so I had to seem strong, for you. – I kissed him, then buried my face into his neck, tightening my arms around him more.