romantically frustrated // m.c. au

Chapter 5

Well today is Friday. This meant that it was the end if the week which is an amazing relief but it also means that my friends are going to drag me to this damn party after school. I got up took a shower and got dressed. I didn't bother looking really nice because I had to look good for the party and to be honest I don't have the energy for both. I went downstairs and decided to skip breakfast because it was getting late and I had to meet michael at the train station.

When I got to the train station I saw him and his face lit up. He was very excited about something. Obviously not about me as my hair was in a curly messy bun and I had on a tshirt I'm 100% sure isn't clean and probably his.

"well good morning! isn't it a greeaaat morning?!" he said passing me my cup. He hadn't gotten me coffee today but he got me tea, knowing it'll calm my nerves. And from yesterday I needed it.

"not really but what are you so damn excited about? and why are you yelling?" I said.

"I'm not yelling! I'm just happy! and in love madly in love!"

Damnit. Great that's just what I needed this morning. For him to go on about this chick. I didn't know whether to gag or throw myself on the tracks.

"So I see something happened between you and Aveline." I said slightly annoyed and unenthusiastically.

"Fuck! She's just so great! So invited her over after you left because I was slightly bothered and frustrated but I knew I shouldn't call you because you weren't feeling too hot either. So she comes over and we're talking and we just drifted off and talked about nothing for hours. It was great and almost magical. Then I did it. I went straight for it and asked her out. and guess what?!? she said yes! And then she kissed me! It was the greatest thing that had ever happened to me!"

"well that's great I'm happy for you..."

"I know it's awesome! I can't even think straight!"

"yup. just damn great."

The train came and we just sat there in silence. I sat there and I had a burning pit of jealousy, rage and sadness in my stomach and it all wanted to come out as tears. I just but my lip and sat there calmly. I feel like she's taking away from me the thing that has helped build me and that is keeping me up. I feel like if he leaves I'll topple down. And I'll feel bad for everyone around me, because I'll just fall all over them. And it's not their responsibility to pick up the pieces.

I've just given so much of myself to that boy. He was my first genuine male friend. My first kiss. My first prom date. My first party partners. My first boyfriend even though we were like 7. And to be very honest he probably would have been "my first time" but I'm still a virgin.

I was brought back to reality when Michael called my name.

"Clover? Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine. I'm just really tired"

"I've told you you're a shit liar about a thousand times so I don't know why you keep lying to me. What's wrong?"

"nothing's wrong michael. I'm just tired. I didn't get much sleep."

"Well whatever the reason you didn't sleep last night is. Is the same reason you're about to cry. I've become too familiar with that face for you to hide it from me."

God I hate him sometimes. He knows nearly everything about me. Especially since he's the person I cry to usually.

"You can't help me with what's wrong with me so forget it."

"Well maybe I can try. What is it even about? Is it about Aveline?"

"No! Just forget it okay!?"

"Okay. Whatever. But I do hope you feel better, baby. Can I call you that now?"

"I don't care." I said smiling slightly. I know he doesn't mean it the way I want him to but it makes me feel better.

We silently rode through the rest of the train ride. When we got to school I immediately saw Sabrina and Bells talking by Sabrina's locker which isn't too far from mine. They greeted me and we talked for a while. We talked about the party tonight too. I tried to pay attention to what they were saying but it was taking so much for me not to either cry or vomit. I don't know I'm weird I vomit if I'm really sad or mad. A while into the conversation Marabel came into the conversation looking disheveled and messy which mean she was probably with Luke in his car. Tsk Tsk.

She greeted us all as we all teased her for what we knew she was doing. But she noticed that I was acting weird. And as soon as she said those words I broke.

"Are you okay?" Marabel said.

"No." I said my voice cracking and tears falling down. This is when people started to look.

"Come on let's go in the bathroom." Rina said.

When we got there I just cried as they huddled around me. They didn't ask what was wrong or anything because they know I needed time to settle down. Unfortunately I cried so much I had to vomit. Fortunately we were already in the bathroom. After all of this caos happened I told them what happened. And that me crying was stupid because he's going to live who he wants. This isn't a love story you find on one of those fan fiction websites. That's just not how things work in real life.

"You're not crying for a stupid reason. You have all right to cry. I should step on his balls for making him cry." Bells said. She's a very blatant person.

"It's not his fault he can't help that he likes her." I said tears streaming down my face.

"We can still kick his ass though. Because he didn't have to shove it in your face. I'm pretty sure he's knows how you feel." Marabel said while Rina just hugged me.

"I hope he doesn't. I want him to know I'm happy for him. And glad he found someone that makes him happy."

"But you aren't happy for him." Bells said.

"I am. I- I mean I'm happy that he's happy. I just want him to be more happy with me than with her. And the way he talks about that girl is like he's a kid seeing fireworks for the first time. His face lights up and talks with so much energy and excitement it's as though he's gonna burst. I know that she had to make him extremely happy."

"Well if that's how you feel that's what you should tell him." Marabel said.

"I agree" Bells and Rina said in unison.

"Okay." I said.

We all walked out of the bathroom and I made my first mission to find Michael and talk to him. I wanted to get this over with. And I felt that I couldn't feel shittier than I do now so what's to lose. Now granted I was probably gonna see him and puss out but I had to get it over with. I wanted to waste no time before I'm in too deep. But when I saw his green head and started to walk closer, I saw that he was standing with Aveline. I was gonna ask if I could speak to him alone, but then they started to kiss. And wow did that take something away from me. I was raging and so so so damn sad. That's when the bell rang to get to home room. And finally I actually wanted to go to this party. I needed to get raging drunk to forget about today.