desires / fillie

over now

millie's pov

i walked into the living room, only to see finn kissing another girl.
my heart shatters into a million pieces as i watch. he turns his head to face me, almost as if he realized he was caught.
he starts to walk towards me as i run out of the house.

he's behind me chasing after me, until i turn around to face him. his eyes are filled with tears, like mine.

"why?" is all i could get out, but in a whisper.
he chokes up and cries more.

i run as far away from his as i could, only to reach my house. thankfully he didn't follow me.
i run into my house.
no robert.
thank. god.

i feel myself breaking with every step i take.
i thought i was loved.
i actually thought there was something to keep me here on this fucking planet.

why am i so fucking stupid?!

i fall to the floor, leaving myself breathless for the amount of sobs that escape from my mouth.

i feel so betrayed, so used, i just want it to end.

everything.

i just close my eyes a drift off.

-

i wake up on my family room floor. i glance up to the clock that sat above the tv.
4:36.
it's now sunday.
i have to face finn tomorrow.

i climb up onto my feet and walk upstairs to the bathroom. my eyes are still puffy from earlier. i take off my clothes and stand in the warm shower.

i hop out after a while, and change into a hoodie, with no pants on. i feel more comfortable this way.

i can't sleep, all i can do is cry.

-

it's 10am, and robert is still out.
i sit on the couch, watching tv.

why do i feel like this? i've only known him for a few days. i'm so stupid.

finns pov

after the party i just drove home, my tears getting in the way of my sight.
i arrived to my house, and laid on the couch, staring at the ceiling feeling numb.

how did i manage to fuck everything up when it was barely my fault?

i fall into a deep sleep, only to wake up to a call from my mom.

"hello?" i ask in my raspy morning voice.
"hi honey, just checking in. how's school? is everything going alright? how are you? has nick checked up on you yet?"
"everything is fine, i haven't seen nick yet."
"oh okay, well i want you to call me when he gets there, he might be there today or tomorrow, i don't know."
"alright mom i'm really tired i think i'm going to go back to bed." i lie.
"okay hun no problem. i love you. bye!"
"love you too, bye."

i hang up the phone and throw it at the wall.

what is wrong with me? i've only known a girl for 3 days and right when i start to fall hard for her, i go and ruin it.
i just want to hold her in my arms and tell her that i'm sorry, that i love her, and that i would never do anything like that to her.

god, i just want her back.

i've been crying for about 20 minuets now, millie being the only thing on my mind.

i drift off into another peaceful sleep, without interruptions.

-

i wake up at around 9am, not feeling any better than i did last night.
i feel worse for that matter.
so much worse.

i might go to millie's house today, to apologize. but i don't know how ready i am for that.

-

it's 2pm now, and i finally worked up the courage to drive to her house.

with keys in one hand and a cigarette in the other, i walk to my car.

i arrive to her house, and see that her car is in the driveway. she's home.

after sitting in the car for a minute, i walk up to her front door and i knock. it doesn't open right away, so i turn around and think about what i'm gonna say.

i hear the door swing open, and i turn to face her. she's wearing an oversized hoodie and her hair is a mess. she doesn't have makeup on, so her bruises are visible.
she's been crying, and i can see fresh tears forming in her eyes as they also form in mine.

"what do you want, finn?" she asks, almost in a whisper, with hurt in her voice.
"i wanted to explain everything that happened. just so that you have my side of the story." i say.
"i think it's pretty obvious..." she looks up from the ground and straight into my eyes.
"...you wanted to get away with making out with some bitch while you were getting drinks. it's simple." she continues.

it hurts that she thinks i would do that to her.

"that's not what happened millie." more hurt in my voice this time.
"then what the fuck happened finn?! i can't be that far off, can i?!" she's getting angry.
"iris. it was iris. i dated her during freshman year but cut it off when she cheated on me. she was drunk last night and said that she wanted me back, when i said no she started kissing me. i was never kissing back, i was trying to pull away. it wasn't my fault, i didn't mean to hurt you. that was the last of my intentions." i say.
she scoffs at my explanation.
she doesn't believe me.

"finn, i think i just need time to think."
and with that, she slams the door in my face.

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OKAY so the next chapter will have a time jump just to let ya know