desires / fillie

posibility

hey, so this chapter has suicide like a lot of the story does, so you can skip this if you feel weird reading it.

millie's pov

i wake up at my normal time.
it's a thursday.

after i take a shower i change into leggings and a soft gray sweater.
i leave my hair down and put on my black converse.

before i know it i'm at the school,
sitting silently in my car.

-

it's lunch time, and i go to walk up to noah, because he was walking in the hall.

"hey noah i-"

he looks at me for a split second and runs away.

what's going on?

i see finn sitting with his friends, and he's in the middle of laughing at something gaten said, until he looks at me.

he quickly looks away, looking down at his hands and back up to his friends.

i run out of the cafeteria and into the closest bathroom.
i break down sobbing, and then iris walks in.

great.

"hey loser, why are you crying?" she laughs.
"just leave me alone iris." i beg.
"i did pretty good on that rumor yesterday, don't you think?" she says, looking at her nails.
"what rumor?" i ask, desperate for an answer.
"oh nothing, just something about you and noah making out in a supply closet." she giggles.

my heart shatters.

that's why finn is ignoring me.

he really believes it?

"anyway," she sighs. "i gotta get to class, but i have one thing to say to you.." she comes closer, looking at me dead in the eyes. "if you do anything to try and ruin anything for me, i'll make your life on earth more of a living hell than it already is.. got it?"

i nod, tears running down my face.
i lean up against the cold wall and slide down to sit on the ground, putting my face in my hands as her heals clack out of the bathroom.

why me?

what did i ever do to her? to anyone?

-

i stand up and look in the mirror. my eyes are puffy and red, and i walk out of the bathroom.

i'm close to my locker when i see a bunch of people surrounding it.

i push through the small crowd and i see my locker. its covered in red writing. i stand in the middle of the half circle surrounding my locker, and i drop my bag in disbelief.

"kill yourself"
"slut"
"you're such a whore"
"do us all a favor and die"
"no one likes you"

words scattered around on my locker. i turn to face the people staring at me, and i just run out of the school.

i cant take it anymore.

i get in my car and i pull out of the parking lot, uncontrollably crying.

there's nothing left here for me anymore.

i get to my house, and roberts car is in the driveway.
i storm into the house, and he's drunk.

"why are you home early?"

i ignore him, and i run up the stairs.
i hear him running after me, so i run into the bathroom and slam the door shut, locking it.

i slide down the door and sit on the cold tile floor and sob into my arm while robert bangs on the door.

"OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!"

he keeps screaming, and i keep crying.

i finally get off of the floor, and stare into my eyes in the mirror. i open the medicine cabinet which is also the mirror, and take out a fresh blade and a bottle of pain killers.

i start the bath.

once it's filled to the top, i sit in the tub, fully clothed. i take five pills, and i roll up both of my sleeves. i begin to cut on my forearm, starting at my wrist, all the way up to my elbow.

the next thing i see is red water.

then it all goes black.

finns pov

i saw millie at lunch today, and i feel guilty about not talking to her.
she seemed like she was hurting.

theres a chance that the rumor is true, and i think it is.

-

lunch ends, and i start to walk to fourth period.
it's in the same hallway as millie's locker, so maybe i can talk to her if she's there.

i come closer to her locker and i see a bunch of people surrounding it, whispering.

i come closer and i see her locker covered in red letters.

"go fucking die, slut."
"kill yourself you cunt."

i was in the middle of reading the harsh comments when someone pushes through the crowd.

millie.

she stands in the middle of the half circle staring at her locker. she turns, but doesn't see me.

tears roll down her face as she runs through the crowd and walks out of one of the exits in the hall.

of course she made a mistake, but she doesn't deserve this.

i decide to leave her be, and walk into fourth period.

i start to have this weird gut feeling like something is wrong.

i try to ignore it, but millie's name keeps flashing in my mind.

i need to go after her.

i ask to go to the bathroom, and i gather my stuff, and walk out of the classroom. i start sprinting down the hall, pushing through the exit doors.

i start my car and speed out of the parking lot.

i reach millie's house and i run through the door.
her uncle lays on the couch, sleeping.
i run up the stairs and look in her room.

"millie?!"

she's not there.

i run to the bathroom and see that the door is closed, when i try to open it, it's locked.

"okay millie i'm gonna kick down the door."

i take a few steps back, and run into the door. it falls to the ground and there she is.

sitting in the bathtub, with her forearms sliced open. her head is tilted back with her eyes closed, leaning on the wall.

she's dead.

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i hope you liked this chapter, i know it was a lot.