No Strings

CHAPTER 22--HIDE AND GO SEEK

The sounds of the carnival enveloped me. He'd said stay in my sights. So when I went with him to a booth and paid to play the game, I thought I would see him when I turned around. Instead when I turned around he was gone. I looked everywhere. Then I heard him call to me. "Bets!"

"Because I'm the man."

I slapped him across the face. My hand burned. My body shook with fear. I felt sick.

I ran. I hadn't run like this in years. The sounds of the amusement park seemed distant and sad. I wove my way through the attractions. I was trapped this time. I was miles from home. He had my wallet. All of my ATM cards were in there. My cash and credits were in there.

The cellphone began to ring. I didn't answer it. I thought fast and hard. There was no one on my list that I could call. The list of names flashed over my phone as I looked down my phone book list.

Out of state... won't believe me... take this as a joke... alienated... alienated...

I knew I should have tried to call at least one of them. William might have come, but he was on the alienated list. He'd been disgusted with me after I complained about Ted last time and returned to him. I didn't think I could count on him anymore.

I thought about hiking back, but the humiliation was too much. My pride kicked in. I didn't want to look homeless. I wasn't wearing the best shoes to walk. And Ted had my wallet. I calculated how far I could go without it.

I received a text message from Ted. "Where are you?"

I didn't want to answer. I didn't want to admit defeat. He was my ride home. I didn't have enough pocket change for the bus. I didn't want to pan handle.

I replied, "Across from the stuffed clowns."

The beep of the phone keys made me feel guilty. I did slap him. He was angry right now because of me.

"Stay where you are," came the reply.

I sat there for a long time. A half an hour passed. I was still upset. Mixed feelings of fear and comfort bubbled up as he tried to find me. It was dark and cold. I could walk home. Workers passed by, staring at me. The park would close at ten o'clock.

A second message came, "Too many clowns. Where are you?"

Before the park closed, he found me. I was freezing. His face was red. He said nothing. I dragged behind him. We walked to the car. I stared at the asphalt. I saw weeds growing through the cracks.

His face was puffed up. I got into the car. He slammed his door so hard I thought it would fall off. "You know how embarrassed I was?" I wasn't sure if he was referring to the fact that I had slapped him, or the fact that he had to search for me.

"What if you got kidnapped or raped?"

I was losing my resolve to break up. I wanted to go home. I needed to go home.

"I was worried about you. I like you by my side."

"You disappeared and then you said, 'I am the man...' and then--"

"I said nothing like that."

"Ted, I'm not sure continuing like this is a good idea. We keep doing this."

"I'm not a nut job."

He roared as loud as he could and then started the car. He sped down the freeway. In silence I cried on the way back. He didn't acknowledge my tears. I swore I was going to break up with him after all. After I got my wallet back and got home.

He threw my wallet at me. It hit hard before I caught it. I looked inside. The twenty dollars I had was gone. He must have spent it.

I locked my door. I walked into my living room and stared out the window. The lights of the city blurred. My cellphone rang. I couldn't see the number.

"Bets..."

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Can't you come over now?"

"I have work tomorrow. I'm sorry."

"Alright... next time."

I saw Ted the following day. He greeted me for lunch again. He said, "I'm sorry. Let me make it up to you."

"I have work."

He whispered in my ear, "I'm horny."

I shook my head, "I have work to do."

"Fine, I'll do it by myself."

I got a phone call from him later. "I masturbated. It would have been better if you were here with me."

I hung up. The phone calls were incessant after that. All the phone calls were Ted. I told my boss I had to go home early that day because I wasn't feeling that well. I could feel the nausea overtake me. This was not better. I knew it, but I was convinced that Ted would change. But he didn't. And it got worse.