No Strings

Chapter 37--Boy and Girl in Spring

I woke up one day to find that spring was outside of my window. Purple-blue squill were blooming on our front lawn and the snow was gone. Mother Nature had led me on and betrayed me. I wanted her to extend winter so the William would stay inside with me. At the same time, I didn't want to admit that after three months I had no complaints. There was no drama, no temper tantrums. We did quarrel--but the last time it was about who was going the clean the kitchen and which way the toilet paper should face in the bathroom. The Earth didn't shatter as I thought it would. The Earth didn't end because he left the cap off of the toothpaste or I left socks in weird places. And he never heaped on praise after getting upset on me. But I still didn't discount him as the ultimate of the Jabberwockies.

Spring seemed to prove that he wasn't a monster. I looked out onto the green lawn and for the first time, I was scared in the right way. A rising feeling of being unsure of what was going to be ahead of us welled inside of me.

A voice in my head asked, "Are you in love with him?"

But, again, I wasn't sure. I knew I missed him when he was gone. I didn't need him to be complete, but life was more fun when he was around. I didn't know if that was enough to do a play like Romeo and Juliet from a balcony window. I wanted to be sure. In either case, I couldn't see the coming of spring as a good thing.

#

I want a refund. Why is it that I have to deal with all of this crap? I want a refund from God on my life. I want to return my life for a better one. I didn't know what I felt towards William anymore. The only stable fixture in my life was gone. How could I ask him anything about how another guy could fall in love with me, when that guy was him!

I was thinking this as I heard him rustle in the kitchen. The company had been sending him out more. I still wasn't sure how I felt. I was used to running to him when I had guy troubles, but now...

I walked into the kitchen and made breakfast. I stared at him. I ate my breakfast as usual. I'd been debating switching the cereal again, but I wasn't sure to what. I was near to the end of this box.

Why did I say yes? Talking to him wouldn't hurt.

"William?" I said.

"Yes?" he asked washing another dish.

"Can we talk?" I asked.

He turned around and looked me in the eyes.

"Nothing bad... umm... I miss talking like we used to."

"You can say anything to me."

I took a deep breath. "You are welcome to tell me anything too. But William--"

He turned and stopped what he was doing and sat down at the table.

"Yes?"

"How long are you going to be on these trips... we haven't had a date in a while..."

I felt myself flushing. I could see his pensive face. He touched the tip of my nose.

"I take that's a request?"

I nodded.

"Hmm... well this weekend we can go somewhere, but I have to leave Monday again. I hate going back and forth like this. I see it as initiation until I pass that damned test. But I take this is guy trouble?"

I didn't laugh, though I wanted to. "Yes..."

"I think if you are patient and tell him you want a date once in a while, it should be OK. Guys can be dense too. I'm the first to admit it. We can't read minds. Does that answer your question?"