Status: In the Midst

Figuring Out Feelings.

Tom Holland

Today was the first day back in the studio. I was thrilled to see everyone, but only one particular person stood out to me, even for that split second where we made eye contact. Zara Costanza.

"I froze, Haz. I froze. I was going to chase after her when she took off, and I literally felt frozen. What if, she can't bear being in the same room as me? Maybe that's why she left so abruptly... I mean, I walked into the room. And it doesn't help if she's looked at what the media has to say about me. All of this stuff about Addison and I, has blown up and out of proportion. I don't think it's fair. If Zara's looked at the media, then she's definitely aware of what's been going on."

I rubbed the back of my neck. I felt so guilty because Zara deserved to know the truth.

Harrison sat there uncomfortably with this wary look on his face. "Umm... about that. I saw her, this morning. We talked for a bit," he began to speak nervously, "and I may or may not have slipped the name, Addison... I can confirm that she hasn't looked online. Or at least, I don't even think that she knows anything about you and Addison. Her face gave it all away and she asked who Addison is."

I began to pace around the room. "Fuck, knowing Zara, she's searching up who she is right now, as we speak... and if she reads any of those articles, she might think that it's actually true... but it's all false, Haz. Why the fuck did I sign the fucking contract thing?"

"Because you were all fucked up from your break up and weren't thinking straight. You also liked Addison as a person, and thought you could help her out as a friend, but then went in signing a contract for publicity, you dumbass," reminded Harrison. He pretty much just summarized everything that's happened within the past few months.

I slapped my right hand onto my forehead, in utter shame of my actions. "Fuck! Why am I like this? I shouldn't have been allowed to sign contracts in that state of mind!"

"Relax, at least Addison's getting publicity... that's not even the worst part. It's the fact that she's actually catching feelings for you. Clearly she is, after the chat I had with her yesterday," he said as if he had just solved the worlds biggest mystery.

I sighed, "I do feel bad... I wish that I could say I'm in love with Addison, but I'm not which I think is what makes it worse. I need to confess something, Haz," I rubbed my neck again.

"Well spit it out then," he replied.

"Yesterday, after a bunch of paparazzis got pictures of us, we went to this park where we were basically alone... Addi kissed me. And I wanted it to feel right. But it didn't. Every time she did something; when she held my hand and leaned in to kiss me, I couldn't help but think about Zara. I may not know much about relationships, but I do know that you're not supposed to think about your ex while kissing someone else."

Harrison got up from his seat and dropped his jaw. "Oh my fucking god, you're not over Zara."

I sighed and went to my fridge. "No shit Sherlock, I'm not. But before I do anything, I have to break things off with Addison. After, I have to talk to Zara. If she'll even let me see her... I don't know man, Zara seems... she seems fine without me and if she's happy, then I don't want to intrude into her life."

"Both of you are just... so naive. Do you really have anything to lose though? It's not like you actually felt something with Addison and it's not like Zara can hate you more or less. I'm sure any girl would go head over heels for you anyway, your Tom Holland."

I laughed, "It's not as easy as you think it is... besides, my dignity and confidence are on the line," I paused to process and think about what I was going to do. "First, I need some time. I need to figure out how I feel about Zara. First, I should figure that out, and then I'm cutting the publicity thing with Addison. After that, I'll explain to Zara what that's all about-only if she lets me."

"It seems like a pretty darn good plan for someone who's willing to lose their dignity and confidence if I do say so myself."