Status: In the Midst

All In.

Zara Costanza

"I need help," I blurted out to Zendaya. We were currently in a small cafe, hanging out together after shooting a scene.

She sipped her tea, "Of course. What's up, Zar?"

I sighed, "You know exactly what the situation is like... he just broke up with Addison, but it was all for publicity. I trust that, but there's something inside of me that keeps telling me to wait to be his girlfriend. I don't know why, Zendaya. Maybe my conscious thinks that I can mature even more, and I'll be a better person for him. But it's so hard because I want to be with him. He said that he'll wait for me, but what if I keep him waiting for too long... I just want this to be right this time around."

It felt good to tell Zendaya how I felt. For awhile now, it just kind of felt bottled up and I wasn't sure what was going to happen.

For a few moments she didn't respond. I always went to Zendaya for advice. She always knew what to do and she was so supportive about anything.

"He loves you Zar, and he's willing to wait. If that's not enough for you, I don't know what is. If you take away what you have with Tom, you have him as a friend, and we both know what he's like. He's not the type that moves on that quickly and he's always truthful. He obviously never had anything going on with Addison, otherwise he wouldn't be so keen on dating you."

"I'm just scared... what if we get back together and everything goes wrong? What if we can't maintain a long distance relationship again, or what if we're on the rocks, right off the bat? I mean, right now, we're at that stage where we just do all this couple-y stuff, but we aren't one. He's ready to jump right into a relationship, but what if I'm not?" Saying this stuff out loud, made it sound much more scary.

Zendaya stared at me and gave me a small smile. "Zar, relationships are scary, don't you know that? It's all about taking risks. I think that by not being in a relationship, and by doing all of this couple-y stuff, it's confusing you even more. You guys are basically already in a relationship. You may not see it because it's not 'official', but trust me, it seems like you guys are. You need to take the risk, Zara."

I thought about what she was saying and tried to process it. Zendaya was right in the sense that in a relationship, there are always risks. It was just whether or not I was willing to take them...

"What about the media?" I blurt out. "I mean, the media probably knows that we've been together. I know I shouldn't, but I do care about what people think about me. I'm going to get so much hate for prancing on Tom after he just broke up with Addison. It was all for publicity, but it's not like the fans know..."

"Do you love him?" Zendaya asked, completely out of the blue.

I looked at my hands which were in my lap. "I-I mean... yeah, of course. I was never over him. Seeing him and being with him makes me so happy. I-I do love him," I say, my voice breaking off at the end. "He makes me feel safe and he's like my rock."

Zendaya began to smile and puts her hands together. "You need to tell him that. Right now. Because it doesn't matter about what the media thinks. If you love someone, then you should be in a relationship with them. If they make you feel how you feel about Tom, there's already a foundation. You guys are already golden."

I smile nervously. "You're right. I do need to talk to him. I'll text him right now that we need to talk."

Zendaya grinned and gave herself a slow clap. "I've done it once again, ladies and gents."

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After talking with Zendaya, I had a much better understanding of what I wanted. On the way to Tom's, I was thinking about what I was going to say to him. In my mind, everything is mapped out, but I'll probably forget what I intend on saying to him when I see him.

I texted him that we needed to talk while I was with Zendaya, and he told me to meet him at his flat.

Now, I'm outside of his apartment standing in front of the door. For a minute or so, I just stood outside the door, unsure of what to do. I went over what I was going to say, and when I finally had the courage, I took a deep breath and knocked on his door.

He opened it and smiled.

"Hey-"

"I love you," I say, cutting him off. Already, I was not following what I had planned in my head.

"I love you, and I don't want to keep it bottled up anymore. I've never not been in love with you, I just don't know why I wanted to wait until we got past being friends again. It's crystal clear that I want you, Tom. I want to kiss you and cuddle with you. I miss being able to tell you exactly how I feel about you. I miss you, I miss Tessa, Paddy, Harry, Sam, and your parents. I miss trying to play basketball with Paddy, making memories with you and having them captured by Harry, and playing the piano with Sam to the point where you bocame frustrated with us. I miss how things used to be."

He gave me this soft look.

"I can't believe that I broke up with you and it's definitely the worst decision that I've ever made in my life. For some reason, I thought that I would be better and so would you without me, but I was so wrong. I felt so isolated without you and I forgot that you played such a big role in my life. I should've pushed harder for our relationship to work because now, I've wasted months that I could've spent with you. When I saw you the for the first time since we broke up, I instantly fell back in love with you. No matter how much I tried to convince myself that we were done, I couldn't help it. I can't stand just being friends with you, because I want us to be us."

I took a deep breath after saying everything that I said. "I love you... I said it, the three words and eight letters, Tom."

For a few seconds, we were silent, and I was lost in his eyes.

"I love you too, Zara," he said with a huge smile. "Haven't you realized that without you in my life, I'm a mess? For fuck's sake, I signed a contract to date someone all for publicity... that's the next biggest regret that I have after letting you go so easily. I should've fought harder for us because I as well, have wasted months of my life without you in it. I've now realized that I need you to be in my life, whether if I'm your boyfriend or not..."

I stepped forwards and hugged him tightly.

He wrapped his arms around my waist as well. My head fit perfectly in his chest, and for a few seconds, I listened to his heartbeat. We stood there for a couple of seconds.

"I'd much rather you be my boyfriend," I whispered.

I felt his head move, as he took a step back. He gave me this look of joy and excitement. "So, will you be my girlfriend?"

I chuckle, "Of course," I pulled him into another tight embrace. We slowly pulled away so that our faces were only an inch apart. We both were smiling, and then he kissed me slowly. Everything around me felt so surreal, it felt like the world froze and it was only us who had the ability to control everything.

"I'm in it for forever this time, Zar. I love you."

"I know, so am I. I love you, Tom, and it's always been you," I said, feeling the happiest I've been in a while.