Scattered and Broken, Book 3 of Wingless Series

Desire

Kenny had secured two nasty motel rooms. Apparently he thought the nastier the place was the less likely anyone would find us. I shuddered at the thought of the inside. Ari swore she wouldn't sleep at all in such nasty accommodations.

"We will see you in the morning man." Kenny said to Evan looking sympathetic, probably because they were with two girls who were not happy .

"Look it can't go on forever, let's get some sleep that's all we are here for anyways," he said closing the dingy orange drapes.

"Fine." I said crossing the room going through my bag for some pajamas; if I were going to sleep, I was going to sleep comfortably.

"Why the attitude?" Evan asked clearly sensing my cold shoulder toward him. It was something I couldn't help. Ever since Kenny had planted the seed in my head about Evan, being in the woods to kill me I had a hard time looking at him the same.

"I don't have one can we just go to bed?" I asked pulling my jeans off.

"I thought when you knew I was alive you would be overjoyed, not this." He grumbled undoing his jeans as well.

"And I was, although I never really thought you were dead."

"Then why the coldness?" He asked raising his hands confused.

"I told you I don't want to talk about it."

"And why not?" He asked.

"Because I don't want to say something I will regret so can you leave it alone, and we can just go to bed." I waited for a response, instead we just locked eyes staring one another down. Evan's face not changing his eyes were not blinking. I finally gave in and blinked.

"If anyone should be upset right now, that would be me not you. But since you feel the need, tell me what the issue is." He asked sitting down ready.

"I just am ok?" I said, feeling pains in my throat as I spoke knowing I was seconds away from crying all over again.

"It almost feels like I was betrayed, like you stabbed me in the back."

Evans face seem to light up with worry and confusion he raised his eyebrows coming instantly to me grabbing my arm, looking into my eyes worried.

"What are you talking about I betrayed you?"

"We met in the woods and you came back to see me, I remember you so stuck on me drinking in the woods, you kept saying you were alone in the woods. And I never understood." I trailed off staring at Evan his face falling faster and faster.

"I was worried; it wasn't a safe thing for you to be doing."

"You're not the one who worries about things like that Evan, please don't lie to me." I said softly pulling away from his grip. He sighed looking at me to continue. "You kept asking me why I was there, I went home with you and found your journal you totally covered it all up so well." It all made sense now; Evan was conflicted right away about me and taking my life. He couldn't do it, he never had it in him and it bothered him to no end. Instead of finding a way to do it, he kept me around.

"What is it you're trying to insinuate?" He asked going on the defensive.

"I'm not stupid!" I yelled. "Well maybe I am just a little, because it took your brother to bring it up for me to realize what you were going to do to me!"

Evan seemed irritated by this he steadied his breathing closing his eyes for a few seconds before he opened them and started talking.

"Do you think if I had told you I was going to end your life back then it would have gone over well?" He asked me waiting for some sort of answer.

I scoffed. "Um gee no I don't, but you could have told me a lot sooner or how about at all?" I said turning my head dumbfounded; he was finding this even an argument.

"What was I suppose to say to you?"

"Evan I asked you many times if you knew when I was going to die or how, I asked you over and over and you said it wasn't a big deal not to worry about it." I said holding back my tears. "You knew, you could have told me. And you didn't, and to make it even worse you let me fall for you." I brought my hand to my chest starting to feel horribly sick.

"We fell for each other, you know it wasn't one sided. I knew enough to know not to kill you. And I thought I was doing the right thing by not worrying you about your death." He said touching my face, I smacked him away.

"Stop!" I yelled. "What do you think it feels like now?"

He stared in my eyes in awe at my tone. I had never talked like I was right now to him.

"I understand you're pissed at me, and I think you have a good reason to be. But I felt like I was doing the right thing at the time. I would think you felt the same way seeing we are where we are now."

"Why didn't you kill me?" I asked suddenly thinking this could have all been avoided if he would have just killed me, He could have drowned me in the creek and went on his way.

"Because I knew the moment I looked at you I would regret it. I could see something that was worth keeping you around."

I sighed trying to think of a logical explanation.

"What did you think you knew, and did you know that your Dad would forbid you to be with me way back then in the woods?"

"I didn't know what it was I was seeing, I just felt like I was making a mistake if I killed you." He said shrugging his shoulders.

"Oh so I was spared by a grim because I was so impressive?" I said shaking my head at a loss.

"No, I don't know. I can't explain it, I don't have the words it was just a feeling I got there was a connection, something." He said sitting back down on the bed.

I was starting to think I was the only person in the world who could say, hey I met death in the woods and he decided to spare me because he thought I was cute and we started dating. I didn't even know what that meant, did I screw up my circle of life and now I was doomed to a crappy existence?

"Did you know that you would be forbid to be with me if Carlo figured it out?" I demanded and answer, standing in front Evan my hands on my hips glaring down at him.

"I didn't know what I was getting myself into; it was all new to me. I was trying to figure it out and then he met you and thought you were the one for me, so I thought I was in the clear." He blurted out nervously playing with his hands.

"But then Carlo knew that I and you were not working in his favor so he tried to get rid of me again without you knowing right?" I asked thinking back to the plane crash. I smacked Evan over the head, he looked up shocked.

"He wasn't killing my dad and you lied to me again!" He grabbed my hand as I went for his head again furious. It made more sense that the plane crash was for me.

"No! I didn't know that he was going after you and I swear to you I didn't. And Kenny didn't know that either, he thought it was planned for your Dad." He said still gripping my wrist.

"It makes sense now, the only thing that doesn't is why I didn't die." I said staring off.

"I know." Evan said low.

It was a complicated question that neither one of us really knew the answer.

"But I want you to know, I never would have lied to you if I didn't believe it was for your own good. I wasn't out to pull the wool over your eyes. I fell in love with you and that made me see you for more than just another life lost."