hindrance || mark lee

06 | discretion

- your pov
present day

I see you. Everyday, I watch the 7 of you, walk through the hallways, with crowds of girls following behind you. I watch you continue your lives, go on with everyday,

as if I never existed.

Whenever we walk past one another, none of you would spare a glance at me anymore. None of you would bother to talk to me anymore. Ever since that day, all I receive is the cold shoulder.

mark. I miss you. So, so, much that you would never realise it. I love you, and I still do. It hurts the most to see you look at me like I don't exist, it hurts to see how our relationship has fallen into this demise. I miss our late night cuddles and the warmth of our hands connected when you intertwine our fingers together. I miss the moments when you leaned your head towards mine and connected our foreheads as you bent down and pecked my nose. I miss the times when you lay your head on my lap as my fingers ruffled through your hair.

i miss your laugh, your smile, your eyes. I,  miss, you. 

I know I hurt you but I did it for you. For your career. I want to tell you everything, I want to run back to you and fix all of this. But I cant. It is like the world was meant to keep us apart. You know me so well, yet how could you believe that I would leave you for another. My heart only has you,

yet you don't seem to have me in your heart.

renjun. I miss the times we spent together, I miss watching and drawing moomin with you. I miss rambling to you and Chenle in Chinese just to annoy the other members who would not have a clue about our conversations. I miss our late nights of watching our favourite drama while snacking underneath the blankets and you pointing out all the little things in the show that would make you giggle. I miss ranting to you and having that one best friend who would listen to everything and give me all the advice, the person who would always support me in whatever I did.

please, listen to me again.

Jeno. I miss my no jams best friend who would always be there for me when I got bullied. The one who would stand up for me and save me at the right time whenever I was being cornered in the empty hallways. I miss the cheerful eye smile and the energy you gave whenever you would teach me how to fight back for myself. I miss my protector, the protector who now just watches on as I get thrown onto the ground and milk poured over my uniform.

please, come back, help me.

Donghyuck. Haechannie, if Mark didn't hurt the most, you did. You were my best friend. My brotherly companion I've known since diapers, the helpful and caring hand that was there for me in every event. The sunshine that would never fail to lifted my mood and bring back a smile on my face. I miss the companion that knew me inside out. I miss the sleepovers, the getaways and the late night outs. I miss you. I trusted you. The most. Watching you walk away and ignore me is like a dagger being stabbed into my soul every time. Remember our promise we made when we were younger, that we would always be by each others side through thick and thin, no matter the weather?

i guess some promises were meant to be broken, because

where are you now when I need you the most?

Jaemin. I miss this flirt so much. The cheesy catchphrases, he heartwarming messages, the bright eyesmiles. I miss the warm hugs and the sweet words you used to say to cheer me up. I miss the person who could turn my frown upside down. I miss the corny mood maker who would take me on new adventures and bring me out of my comfort zone. I miss the person who would ditch class to come over and feed me food and adjust my pillows so I could comfortably fall to sleep. I miss the ridiculous pickup lines you used to use and the plans we also came up with to make Mark jealous. I miss you.

these days I'm just frowning. where are you to turn my frown upside down?

Chenle. I miss my Chinese dolphin dongsaeng who would act like the king that he is and make use of all us "peasants". I miss hearing that familiar dolphin like sound echoing in my ears that came out from the small mouth of that 16 year old. I miss his sweet, caring and thoughtful words whenever he was there for me to cheer me up. I miss talking about my day with him and roasting all the other boys.

please, talk to me again.

Jisung. What happened to the savage maknae who used to care so much for his noona? I miss his shy smile and his shockingly deep voice that comes out of such a soft face. I miss practicing sunbaenims dances with him in the practice room and staying up until his curfew to listen to rap and hip hop music. I miss his long hands wrapping around me as he engulfs me into warm hugs that are now no more. I miss his rebellious attitude towards his hyungs and the cheekiness of his tone.

maknae. please help noona. come back.

It hurts watching the 7 of you sit with her everyday. It's like she replaced me and filled in my blank spot on the canvas. It wasn't unexpected. She perfect. Yet, you would never be able to see her hypocritical self inside.

What hurts is that you chose the believe her rumours, her lies,

about me.

"What about us? What about trust, what about us?"

__

[ a/n - this is such a long and unneeded chapter but I guess it's a filler chapter¿ ]

- word count • 1021 words -