Damaged. // Jasper Hale

Chapter 19

There are nights I cry so hard my body aches and I shake and I have to cry into my pillow so that no on hears me. There are also nights that I'm ok because I think that everything happens for a reason. There are nights where I don't feel anything at all because I don't know how to feel somedays but there has never been a day where I haven't thought about him...

The Cullen's have been gone for a few weeks now. I have never been so depressed in my life because of someone. I hardly sleep because I stay up all night thinking about him. Jasper. It hurts to say his name but I don't cry when I hear it anymore. I guess that's one achievement. I hardly eat. I've lost about 15 pounds.

I tried calling every Cullen but no one picked up. Bella is just as depressed as I am. She has night terrors that leaves her screaming in the middle of the night. Poor dad looses sleep over it. I have nightmares too but I don't wake up screaming. I wake up crying. My nightmare is a constant replay of the day Jasper left.

I sighed before getting up and walking downstairs to the kitchen where I saw dad sitting on the couch. "Hey Ell, you know the Clearwater's?" Dad said turning to me and I nodded as I sat next to him. "Well, Sue called the other day and was wondering if you could tutor Seth. She says he's been struggling with school lately" Dad said and I nodded.

"Ok. I'll head there now then" I said to dad and he nodded. "I'll call her and let her know you are heading over there" He said before I walked upstairs to get dressed. I changed into some black jeans, purple and blue plaid shirt and my converse. I left my hair down and quickly brushed it before I walked downstairs grabbing my keys from the counter.

"I'll see you later dad" I said before walking out the front to my car and climbed in after unlocking it. I pulled out of the driveway and began the 20 minute drive to LaPush. Because of you by Kelly Clarkson played and for a moment Jasper's face flashed through my mind. I shook it off and focused on driving. Forget me I heard his voice say and I shook my head.

"He isn't there Ell, it's just your imagination" I said to myself and I changed the station as I continued to drive. I soon pulled up to the small one story house and parked before climbing out and knocking on the door. It opened to the smiling face of Sue. I mustered a smile back and she moved to the side allowing me to enter the warm home that had the scent of cookies through it.

She closed the door before turning and hugging me. She pulled away and I smiled. "Seth has gone with Harry to the fishing store. They should be back soon" She explained and I nodded before sitting on the stood in front of me leaning against the counter. "Cookie?" She said offering me a plate. "Sure" I said before taking one of the freshly baked cookies off the plate.

I took a bite and moaned quietly as the warm chocolate chips danced on my tongue. "These re delicious Sue" I complimented before taking another bite. "Being a stay at home mom, one of the main things you have to be good at is cooking" She joked and I giggled for the first time in weeks. "Do you plan on having kids?" She asked and my heart clenched as once again Jasper entered my mind.

"Umm. I'm not sure yet. At first I didn't want kids but now I don't know" I replied and she nodded. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that" She said shaking her head as she walked over to the sink and began washing dishes. "Here let me help" I said before walking over and drying the dishes.

"Thank you Ell" She said and I smiled. "No problem" I replied placing a dry bowl to the side. "You father was saying how you recently have been having nightmares" Sue said and I froze for a moment before continuing. "Yeah" I replied and Sue stopped the washing and turned to me. "He also told me about...what happened. I just wanted to ask, are you ok Elise?" She asked and instantly tears welled in my eyes.

"Come here honey" She said before wrapping me in a hug as the tears fell. For a moment she reminded me of Esme. "My grandmother always used to tell me, the ones who let you go are the ones who don't deserve you" She said and I pulled away. She wiped my tears with her thumbs and gave me a sad smile.

"I'm always here if you ever need to talk" She said and I nodded. The front door opened and in waked Leah, Seth and Harry chatting. "Oh hey Elise" Leah said putting the fishing stuff on the table behind her. "Hi" I replied tucking my hands into my pockets. "What are you doing here?" Seth asked grabbing a cookie. "Seth! That is not how you address someone!" Sue scolded.

"Seth, Elise is going to be your tutor" Sue said and Seth's face dropped. "Mom I already told you I don't need a tutor" Seth whined. "Your report card says otherwise" Sue shot back and Leah burst out laughing at her brothers blushing face. I giggled and grabbed my bag.

"Ready Seth?" I said and he groaned before nodding and I followed him upstairs to his room. He opened the door to a messy bedroom. Clothes were all over the floor, his bed wasn't made and his desk was covered in paper and clothes. I smiled shaking my head as Seth rushed around to pick things up attempting to make his room look somewhat clean.

"Sorry about the mess. Mom didn't tell me you were coming" He said clearing his desk by shoving it all to one side and giggled. "It's fine Seth. You don't have to clean for me" I said sitting on his bed. "So what subject are you struggling with most?" I questioned and he thought for a minute before answering.

"Maths definitely" He said chuckling. I nodded and we sat at his desk with his homework and began.