Fleurs Captives (Joshler)

14. Aloe

Aloe:
meaning- healing, protection, affection

***Trigger warnings for dysphoria, a description of a body suffering from malnutrition, and (kind of) self harm.***

Start the song. It's Ball Jointed Doll (Harry) by Nicole Dollanganger.

When Josh finally started to drift away from his dreams, he found that Tyler had fallen asleep beneath him. Another Disney movie was playing for the other kids, but Nicole, Maddy, Jay, and Debby were all fast asleep. It was only Zack left watching Snow White singing as she cleaned the house. He looked tired too. Josh couldn't help noticing that Nicole's head had shifted into Zack's lap. She was curled into his side like a kitten while his fingertips trailed along her back distractedly. Josh didn't feel jealous.

It wasn't until Josh shifted slightly that he realized his head was on top of Tyler's bound chest. Tyler's breaths were a bit strained as he slept, and Josh shifted his head onto Tyler's shoulder immediately despite knowing that the majority of the strain was being caused by Tyler's binder.

Tyler's eyes opened blearily when Josh sat up. He yawned. "Mmm you okay?" Tyler mumbled, his voice a bit gruff from sleep.

"Can you breathe?" Josh asked nervously. "You're wheezing."

Zack turned his head to look at his brother with the same concern on his face that Josh was feeling. "Dude, you've had that thing on for hours. Maybe you should take a break for a while."

"I'll take a break when we go home," Tyler replied simply, wiping sleep from his eyes. "I'm fine."

"You're going to get bruises again if you don't stop wearing that thing for so long," Zack told his brother bluntly. "You're just as much a guy without it as you are with it. Is having a flat chest really worth causing permanent damage to your body?"

Tyler rolled his eyes but made no move to get off of the couch. He just pushed his hair back and relaxed into the couch more despite the shortness of his breaths. "I know it doesn't make sense to you, but yeah. It's worth permanent damage."

The younger Joseph boy rolled his eyes and looked back at the television.

Josh hesitated before saying, "Can I show you something?"

Tyler nodded, letting Josh pull him off of the couch with him. He followed Josh out of the room and up the stairs. His eyes widened when Josh led him down a long corridor and into Papa's massive library. He walked through it in awe, his fingers tangling with Josh's as they walked through the extensive rows of books.

"This is insane," Tyler commented in disbelief as he trailed his fingers across the spines of the countless books they passed.

Josh smiled. "I don't come in here very often. None of us do. Papa says we can come in here whenever we want, but we just don't. I don't know why."

Surprisingly, Tyler dropped Josh's hand, looking annoyed. "So you figured you'd bring me up here, and I'd magically feel comfortable taking my binder off?"

"I just thought-"

"Josh, it's not that simple. I trust you, and I like you, but I'm not wearing this just to make other people think I look more masculine. I'm not avoiding taking it off here because of what you guys will think of me. I mean, that's part of it, but that's not it. It's not...." He took in a deep and shaky breath, tugging at his hair irritably. "It makes me feel safer. It hurts, and it's dangerous, and sometimes it really fucking sucks, but sometimes it's the only thing keeping me from getting so fucking dysphoric that I can't-"